as the headspinning 2009 comes to a close;

So here we are at the end of another year. Another year older, another year wiser, hopefully.

I think I've learnt so much this year. About others, about myself... Well, just about humanity in general. The biggest epiphany I've had this year is still the one about relationships. To know who are the people who really matter, and appreciate them more. To avoid or eliminate others who only give out negative energy. It's tiring to deal with them. And that's something which I don't need at this point in my life.

I've learnt that it's okay to say "No". I've always been a very obliging person. But I've learnt that saying "No" doesn't make you bad, or any less nice. Sometimes you have to say "No" for your own sake, for your own health. How can one expect to help others, or make others happy, when he himself is in need of help? It's not impossible to do so, but being in a state of wholeness enables one to better spread joy to others around. And you need rest to be able to do that. It's also okay to say "No" because the people who should and do matter, will eventually understand. Of course we should never take them for granted. But generally, they do understand. Others that simply can't or won't understand and conversely give you grief for it... well, maybe it's time to do some relationship pruning. I'm just sayin', you know? I've also learnt that relationships are dynamic. They are constantly evolving and moving all the time. And it takes work to maintain a relationship. Until we realise that, none of our relationships are going to be lasting, be it between family, friends or lovers. It all requires effort. Just to stay home have some quality time, have a meal together.. Just a chill session over coffee with old friends. Just time out for the two of you. It all requires effort. It all requires a certain amount of commitment. And we have to specially set aside time for that. Because it's important.

So yes, my New Year Resolution is to have more balance in my life. Now that Uni's starting again, need to consciously remind myself to set aside more time for the people whom I care for. To see them happy. If I can achieve this, then yes, I think it is a type of success too.

Happy 2010 everyone.

Prov 4:23

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life"

This verse surfaced to my mind a number of times.
As we all know, whatever is in our hearts will flow out through our words and our actions.

So now I'm asking myself- what is really in my heart?

Today;

MORE RAIN. I like rain. So good, in fact, I am looking forward to a few more days of just that. For me to devour journal articles and brainstorming that comes from dark, grey thunderstorms in the middle of the afternoon. Awesome. Hello coffee. I've missed you :)

That being said, I'm really looking forward to Avatar 3D tomorrow~ woohoo~ heard raving reviews about it~ hope it lives up to expectation, yeaps ! and looking forward to a good time of hanging out too of course, been awhile since i've visited the malls. hmm. Therefore meaning, I did not do any Christmas shopping this year. haha :x

Flywheel.

Caught a great movie today ! Thanks for the invite mq :)

Though its a low-budget film and acting wasn't exactly professional and stuffs, i still think this movie is amazing. The storyline easily makes up for some of the film's shortcomings. It's a Christian film with strong messages of love, redemption, transformation and grace.. uplifting and inspirational. I believe non-christians will like this film too. There were some funny bits here and there as well. Definitely worth a watch :)

Lots of afterthoughts, but something that actually stood out for me was that I realised there will be consequences for every action made- even after apologising. Our God is a God of justice and while He may have forgiven us, He still allows the (painful) consequences to happen.

I guess God forgives sin immediately upon repentance, but it takes longer to build character. It is our character, not forgiveness, that determines what God brings next to our life. Additionally, I feel the film did a great job in portraying what true repentance really is- Dont just apologise for the wrong things you've done. Unlearn the wrong things, and learn to do the right things at once! Willingness and obedience must go together.

Because we know the devastating consequences of our disobedience, let us diligently avoid every sin and "and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:1).

Btw, I've always wanted to watch "Facing the Giants". Just realised its from the same producer as Flywheel ! :)

and, thank God operation went well for JD's mum. Stay strong fellow aizai, will continue to pray for you and your family. I'll defintely avail myself for you if I can be of further help. We're all rooting for you. take care :)

+ God Bless

once bitten twice shy.

i guess im just more cautious now.

Wearing our hearts on our sleeves..? Lets try.

Or as some people say, “being an open book”. Meaning, you know what someone else is thinking because they tell it straight up. There’s no need for second-guessing or honing your mind-reading skills. If we did that, we might offend everyone we know… but on the flip side, when we offer a compliment, they would know that it isn’t just a passing remark. It would mean something. And when we are unhappy with something they did, they would know it too. Let me qualify this. I’m not advocating that you go around and insult everyone’s fashion sense and stuff. Rather, today, we engage in societal artificiality by tiptoeing around each other. When a friend says or does something that cuts us up inside, we are hurt because we expect them to be so much more sensitive to our hearts. And YET! We conjure up a smile and secretly wish we had a plastic fork to stab them in the neck with it. Or if you are not inclined to violent tendencies, you have the perfect retort in your head but you hold your tongue because you don’t want to ruffle feathers.

When people say unkind things to us, our feelings are hurt. Instead of telling them that, and expressing our disappointment at their unkindness, insensitivities or our anger at their judgement, we cover it up with a smile- at times patronising, sometimes in genuine attempt to ‘love our neighbour as ourselves’ because we believe that by doing that, we are ‘loving them’. Other times, we don’t say a word but avoid that person for as long as it takes.

What is it about telling others how we feel that we find to be so challenging? Is it possible that maybe we fear that it may be done to us and although we say we would like to know what others feel, we actually don’t? Like many other things in life, in order for us to dish it out, we need to be able to suck it in- are you willing to hear the truth about yourself inasmuch as you’d like to tell the truth to someone else?

Taking it one step further, how do we express our genuine feelings to others without being demeaning, wrecking friendships and yet, still being able to go to sleep knowing that we have been authentic during our interaction with others? Is this now permission for everyone to be insensitive to each other and revisit primary school rationalisation of “you hurt me so I hurt you!”?

Maybe a more apt question is- how did Jesus do it? May that be our guiding light. My guiding light..

Of late I've been feeling a little disturbed by certain unmet expectations, and that has weighed down my heart and my lips quite abit. I guess, it is really time for me to quieten down and to seek Him in prayer.

Indeed, our awareness of His presence may falter, but the reality of His presence never changes. People who live together or hang out together long enough eventually begin to sound alike, to talk alike, even to think alike. So I pray, that as we walk with God, we'll take on His thoughts, His principles, His attitudes. and His heart..

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4: 8

"My crown is in my heart not in my head. My crown is called contentment."

of serious talks and jokes.

Today I learnt that I prefer a good balance of serious talks and jokes.

Having too much of either one feels like salt. A pinch will make all the difference in food. Put too much of it and the food becomes inedible.

is there no escape?

Maybe I asked the wrong question, thats why I'm not receiving an answer. Maybe God wanted me to ask another question? I wonder what though. Easier said than done- facing the realities of life. I am. but when that thing is ongoing I just feel helpless. really helpless and lousy. I know these thoughts are silly and useless but i really just feel like packing and leaving. At least thats something I can do, rather than just stay put, feel helpless and be under that thing's mercy.

I was actually pretty happy today until that thing started its thing again. Now, I'm feeling sick. Won't be for long though.

So I just got back from a fun and relaxing genting trip. It was nice just being in another place... did the usual touristy stuffs- shopped, ate, ate, ate..movies, ate, thrill rides and then we ate more. This time round I had the company of two very lovely girls :) had quite alot of fun laughing together, getting to know them better and stuffs. so thats good.

I actually planned to write more about the trip after I got enough rest..but turns out that im not quite in the mood now. So, we'll just let pictures do the talking yea :)

:)

Ok, not alot of photos here..havent actually sorted them out. :p

Before I end this entry though, special shoutout to JD: Yo man, hope u like your new toys..ehmz, i meant gifts. HAHAHA.. you've been a crazy and a really awesome friend~ i really appreciate your friendship, your lameness.. your maturity and sincerity beneath that joker facade...ahha.. thanks for that~ Have a great birthday ya ! May you grow taller this upcoming year.. lOL! Have a blast on your birthday my friend ! :D

Updates

Decembers tend to be good. At least I had a great start up till now. No big trips, don't really feel like it now. Wanna save for Europe and/or Eastern States trips..which will hopefully come to pass next year. Limited $, but quite a number of things I need to get.. new trainers, new specs, badminton racket.. and itching for a compact dSLR...since Leica M9 is so outta reach, im contemplating the EP2.. (okay. so one's a full frame, the other's a micro four third...sighs) haha. I'll wait la..delayed gratification (good predictor of success :p ). well, thats just me. travel, gadgets, travel, gadgets.... since young. but im actually not as spoilt as I sound. im pretty sensible if u know me well enough. haha. Hope to do relief teaching + private tutoring as main source of income next year. might also work at friend's cake shop during the weekends...more for the company since im comfortable with them, and prob i can pick up some baking skills too. haha. Im pretty motivated to keep myself super occupied in the upcoming year. I hope things work out.

I get tired though when i think of having to move house again. that'll make like the 3.5th time within a year. yeah, i noe, you'd prob be curious as to how i account for the 0.5 time right? not gonna explain here...cos thats one friggin insane story. i have difficulty believing it actually happened. but yeaps. 3.5 times. absolutely ridiculous. its tiring and stressful-an understatement.

Been good lately though. Enjoying various meetups, readings..and just doing stuffs that I like. Mum's quite ok too. Chiqui's...well, cheeky, cute and lovely as ever. Best dog anyone can get (okay so im biased, not a crime :p ) I love my mum and my dog. and im not saying it flippantly. I was extremely traumatised when i almost lost both of them. to the extent that i think im abit PTSD-ish now.. other than that, im aware that i have this one or 2 other issues that needs a lil 'ironing'.. not so sure how i wanna deal with them yet. should i even do anything abt it? some of my beliefs have been challenged. and im kinda thrown off balance. owells...we'll see.

I've been reading up, and doing some brainstorming (more on this in a seperate entry) for my upcoming course. I'm actually very motivated. But I don't feel 100% prepared for it. Im referring to mental+emotional state. Something is holding me back. Something's amiss. I'm not sure what. I think it might be a lack of predictability, stability and/or support. and I don't know how to rectify it. I guess I just have to make the best of what I have.

In other news, my mission to eat CLEAN hasn't been going on well. Too much junk. so much so that im falling sick. tragic. Today: Fish & Chips at Prof Brawn Cafe (pretty decent food! not too ex too...), topped with choc blended frappe (with whipped cream) at TCC. sighpies.

okla, i got distracted while blogging... now i cant rem what i've blogged and what i've missed out. if u havent already read enough, i shall close this entry with yet another random article. Check this out. pretty bizarre.

Goodnight ! :D

post edit: as my friend puts it quite aptly, it is loathsome when people apologises not because they were sorry for doing something wrong but because they were found out. Its in their voice when confronted with the truth. how very true.

all the way ! all the way !!

Forward ho!
Have a terrific tuesday ppl !

Lornie Trail

some random not-so-incy-wincy spider

Lornie Trail: Branded Imperial (s)

on a weird finger-look-a-alike plant.. really weird, dunno wat that plant's called. looks as though it has finger nails too.. eww

rest of the species were hmm...hibernating somewhere today. seems like i always spot the imperials.. Common Imperials rarer and nicer eh. AH next.

Bt Batok Nature Park

Malay Viscount (Tanaecia pelea pelea)

Although it's feasting on some really gross stuff here, and a little overexposed (sigh) and a lil blur (double sigh)... still my 1st shot of it. worth a post :)

I got another Branded Imperial, but with chipped wings and tail.. poor thg~ a white throated king fisher from afar.. and some sunbird thingy I didnt even bother ID-ing.

Not very nice weather for shooting lately. all the butterflies don't wanna come out play~

You may be really rich, but there are somethings you just can't buy.....









I'm referring to..................................

















the Leica M9~



I emailed a few of the Leica distributors in SG to checkout the price. It cost a whopping SGD$$10,083.00 (before GST)!! Wonder how much it's going for in Germany. Yes, its sold out, with no shipments advised~! Read from forums that it's all sold out in other countries as well. They prob did not manufacture alot of these mean machines... either that, or too many rich @sses around~

owells, not that I could afford it even if its not sold out~ haha. seriously, if a guy were to propose, jus do away with the diamond ring. lOL...propose with a Leica M9 and a Leica Noctilux 50mm f/0.95 (which costs more than the M9 itself at USD$11000) ~~ hahaha. i'll say yes, immediately!! :p

btw, the Patchi chocs are superbly yummylicious!!! very smooth and not too sweet ! :D

Professor Brawn Cafe

Check this cafe out ! Newly opened at Novena Square :D
The cafe's theme is based on a character created by a student from PL.. best part is, the cafe hires those who were previously from PL.. providing them with job opportunities, helping them integrate into society and stuffs~

Do show your support !! thanks~ ! havent been there myself, but i'll be heading down tmr ! haha~ will prob snap a few pics and post them up~ stay tuned ! or better yet, see you there folks!

random clip of the day

friend shared this. impressive obstacle clearing~ but somehow i don't feel motivated leh. i might have been last time. but now, im just in this whole nerd mode.. the few autism + counselling books on my desk excites me more than the thought of getting all fit and outdoorsy and stuffs.. (and when i get bored with psycho stuffs for the day, i pick up my current read- Beyond The Sky and The Earth: A Journey into Bhutan. Travel literature by Jamie Zeppa.. Into the 3rd chapter and am enjoying it alot. beautiful use of words. i might just book me a flight to bhutan after im done with the book. haha. im not joking! i really might do it :p)

anyway, YAY, GO ME! glory to the nerds !

well...that being said, don't stop jio-ing me out leh !! i still wanna do fun stuffs~~ LOL~ im just not into intensive training now :p

Btw, 10th - 12th Dec, i will be in genting~ woohoo~ ! if you miss me so much, SMS only, don't call pls. :p

wokay, goodnight. kungfu panda is on now. hahaha~ i need to get rid of this TV addiction. its bad. i know. keke :p

photo of the day.

First 'Consultation fee' - Patchi Milk Choc with Gianduja

good start i say.. will slowly savour it....hehehe :D