Flywheel.

Caught a great movie today ! Thanks for the invite mq :)

Though its a low-budget film and acting wasn't exactly professional and stuffs, i still think this movie is amazing. The storyline easily makes up for some of the film's shortcomings. It's a Christian film with strong messages of love, redemption, transformation and grace.. uplifting and inspirational. I believe non-christians will like this film too. There were some funny bits here and there as well. Definitely worth a watch :)

Lots of afterthoughts, but something that actually stood out for me was that I realised there will be consequences for every action made- even after apologising. Our God is a God of justice and while He may have forgiven us, He still allows the (painful) consequences to happen.

I guess God forgives sin immediately upon repentance, but it takes longer to build character. It is our character, not forgiveness, that determines what God brings next to our life. Additionally, I feel the film did a great job in portraying what true repentance really is- Dont just apologise for the wrong things you've done. Unlearn the wrong things, and learn to do the right things at once! Willingness and obedience must go together.

Because we know the devastating consequences of our disobedience, let us diligently avoid every sin and "and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:1).

Btw, I've always wanted to watch "Facing the Giants". Just realised its from the same producer as Flywheel ! :)

and, thank God operation went well for JD's mum. Stay strong fellow aizai, will continue to pray for you and your family. I'll defintely avail myself for you if I can be of further help. We're all rooting for you. take care :)

+ God Bless

Wearing our hearts on our sleeves..? Lets try.

Or as some people say, “being an open book”. Meaning, you know what someone else is thinking because they tell it straight up. There’s no need for second-guessing or honing your mind-reading skills. If we did that, we might offend everyone we know… but on the flip side, when we offer a compliment, they would know that it isn’t just a passing remark. It would mean something. And when we are unhappy with something they did, they would know it too. Let me qualify this. I’m not advocating that you go around and insult everyone’s fashion sense and stuff. Rather, today, we engage in societal artificiality by tiptoeing around each other. When a friend says or does something that cuts us up inside, we are hurt because we expect them to be so much more sensitive to our hearts. And YET! We conjure up a smile and secretly wish we had a plastic fork to stab them in the neck with it. Or if you are not inclined to violent tendencies, you have the perfect retort in your head but you hold your tongue because you don’t want to ruffle feathers.

When people say unkind things to us, our feelings are hurt. Instead of telling them that, and expressing our disappointment at their unkindness, insensitivities or our anger at their judgement, we cover it up with a smile- at times patronising, sometimes in genuine attempt to ‘love our neighbour as ourselves’ because we believe that by doing that, we are ‘loving them’. Other times, we don’t say a word but avoid that person for as long as it takes.

What is it about telling others how we feel that we find to be so challenging? Is it possible that maybe we fear that it may be done to us and although we say we would like to know what others feel, we actually don’t? Like many other things in life, in order for us to dish it out, we need to be able to suck it in- are you willing to hear the truth about yourself inasmuch as you’d like to tell the truth to someone else?

Taking it one step further, how do we express our genuine feelings to others without being demeaning, wrecking friendships and yet, still being able to go to sleep knowing that we have been authentic during our interaction with others? Is this now permission for everyone to be insensitive to each other and revisit primary school rationalisation of “you hurt me so I hurt you!”?

Maybe a more apt question is- how did Jesus do it? May that be our guiding light. My guiding light..

Of late I've been feeling a little disturbed by certain unmet expectations, and that has weighed down my heart and my lips quite abit. I guess, it is really time for me to quieten down and to seek Him in prayer.

Indeed, our awareness of His presence may falter, but the reality of His presence never changes. People who live together or hang out together long enough eventually begin to sound alike, to talk alike, even to think alike. So I pray, that as we walk with God, we'll take on His thoughts, His principles, His attitudes. and His heart..

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4: 8

..and I pray

I was really happy yesterday upon receiving the letter of acceptance, but somehow the thought going back to fulltime studies hasn't exactly sunk in. It's a pretty weird feeling. Although I've always wanted to, but never thought I would really be able to enrol in a grad program- especially with all that is happening at home now.

Besides being excited, I have my doubts about studying actually...Not that I doubt my own capabilities or anything.. But I still vividly recall my hons year when I received a really bad news from home. I did nothing but cried a 2 full weeks, thankfully i didn't turn blind, and somehow after that cut myself from all emotions. I felt nothing, and I did not think about anything at all, focused my energy and attention wholly to completing my units and thesis. It was a miracle I passed, and with pretty decent grades. I am very thankful. But it was a very very.......bad experience. Very sucky. Somehow still abit phobic.. I know once I start my course, I have to give it undivided attention, especially when researching for, and writing the dissertation. I don't know if I'll be strong enough if something drastic happens again during these 2yrs. Something worse than what just happened. I don't know what can be worse actually..but hmm, they always surpass themselves... I sound really helpless huh? hmm owells.

Sighs, I haven't prayed in a long long time. I've been really skeptical, I backslidded and denounced Faith even. I really don't know man. I've never asked for much. All I've ever really asked for is stability. I've never wished for great riches or anything. I just want a simple, stable life. Don't know if that's too much to ask. All of a sudden, I don't know what to pray for even though I feel like praying now. The Jabez prayer suddenly comes to mind though.. so here goes,

"Lord I pray that you would bless me and enlarge my territory. Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain. Amen"

random notes.

i guess i am in some sense okay, and in some sense not okay at all. but the message has been really clear these few days..

to believe and to wait in submission even if it takes a really long time, to walk in step even when we don't understand.

waiting upon God not only builds our character.. i guess more importantly waiting always cause us to have a communion with God.

Despite being a man of great faith, Abram had his doubts...despite both him and sarai creating a few mess here and there... God still demonstrated His ability to clear all that up..God still delivered His promises to Abraham.. I guess the idea was Abram continued to follow God's commands even when he doubted [if u were wondering..i was reading Gen 15].

thank you God..that You're a Man of Your Word! thank You that You are unchanging, thank You for Your love, and Your commitment in fulfilling Your promises... no matter how long it takes, help me believe and continue to obey.

...u know...if theres one thing i hate most in the world...its ppl not delivering their promises, even if its not promises, like simply just flaking things off... like 'oh yeah...i'll do it...i'll this and that......' and then they don't.......this is a sure way to irritate the hell out of me......like ughhh! i get really disappointed and pissed. anyways, i'll just stop here for now..

btw, what i write here...is meant at times as a reminder for myself, an outlet...or watever. not meant in anyway to teach, to preach...or get my point across to anyone..unless its a specific shoutout. much as im appreciative ppl care enough to read whats on this blog...who i really am is not confined to what i write in here. if that made any sense... but anyways, if ur happy stay and read. if not, you're more than welcomed not to..

..sometimes i wonder what's life. how it is...when u totally don't know what to do, you can't reach out to someone you love so much... don't know how to convey that..."im really here for u.." message across.... how painful that whatever it is, eventually it'll still be a lonely journey that we each have to take. i guess thats life. and theres a reason for all these, for everything that is happening..

but to uplift things a little, life as i would choose to believe is more than that.. it can be about skipping heartbeats.. being passionate over what you do, over-enthusiasm in *stuff*, about relating the whole experience to a better friend, to someone who will laugh together with you at the nonsensical moments in everyday... trusting and just playing the game simple, laughing..err..being someone's laughing stock =p ... I won't take offence...haha, too old to take offences.. too old to let ppl crush my insecurities and remind me of my imperfections.. so much has happened, so many new feelings and insights, so many things in and out of tis puny head of mine.

so much random stuff i've written..so many more random thoughts swimming around in my head.... but i've got no time to do some major 'housekeeping'. i guess im a person who really needs a lot of time to myself..lOL...no wonder some of u call me crazyyyy... haha. im coming back SG sooon (short or long stay dunno yet)! anywayyyy enjoy ur peace while u can. heheh. =p

..how good is it if all these add on to my thesis word count.. aha...i'll be a tad bit happier =p

and I find rest in You...

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." 1Peter 5:6–7

Thank You Lord, for the love I don't deserve..

what can I give, that is not already Yours...
who am I to choose how to live..when all I have to loose, is what You give.
Lord, take my all, my everything...
Here I stand forgiven..Lord for You, my life I'll live.

Lord to You I surrender..I surrender all...

Yet I will REJOICE IN THE LORD, I will be JOYFUL IN GOD MY SAVIOR

i have been feeling really unhappy lately. is that a choice? can i choose? can i choose to not be unhappy given certain circumstances?

happiness is but a state of mind? It's all in the mind? I'm not too sure about that.

but one thing for sure, choose to brood over your problems and your problems stay stuck like chewing gums to shoe. what should i do now? i don't know. thats why i choose not to think, i choose not to feel. i choose not to talk. i don't know what i can do anymore. there's nothing more for me to do actually. God grant me patience, help me in my disbelief. God grant me wisdom.

i have to maintain sanity, i have to finish up my work. thats the most practical thing i can do now. breathe breathe breathe.

try try try. magnify the smallest things in life.

The joy of the Lord, shall be my strength.

"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights." Habakkuk 3: 17 - 19

Love, for the day is near.

came across this really interesting (worrying!) stats thing through pascoaman's blog.
hopefully this will bring some awareness to what's going on in the world...
then again, we can always start first by being sensitive to the needs of the people around us. lets never cease praying for one another.




"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:35

"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law." Romans 13:8

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10

Rest for the weary.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11: 28-30

Thank You Lord.

F a i t h . is evident of things unseen.

"We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

"for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith." 1John5:4

"The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24

logic is the greatest enemy of faith, this does not mean we have to be illogical. Just don’t let logic block us from moving in faith, sometimes we have to be non-rational (yet not irrational), in order for us to really hear that God says, to let God be God.

Faith without deeds is dead. James 2:18-26

Let faith propel productivity .. let love be our motivation and .. hope be the inspiration that lets us finish the race strong.

Wherever You lead me, help me to stay there and serve You faithfully.

God Bless.

what i've learnt.

Peace is not the absence of distress/pain/trials, but, the presence of our Lord and King, Jesus Christ.

May we all learn to cast our eyes not on circumstances, but on the powerful God that we serve.

Thank You Lord, that I've found rest in the secure knowledge of Your constant love for me.

Indeed, Daddy's love extends beyond our comprehension. =)

Depositing some thoughts..

"You do not want to leave too, do you?" John 6:67

Came across that verse, and found that to be a really penetrating question..

Our Lord’s words often hit home for us when He speaks in the simplest way. In spite of the fact that we know who Jesus is, He asks, “Do you also want to go away?” .....

Daddy Daddy Daddy...May You help me continually maintain an adventurous attitude towards You... despite any potential risks... Help me walk with oneness in Jesus..Help me live a life of absolute dependence on You, that I may show no concern for the uncertainties that lie ahead.

The heart is torn and blood drips with every move ahead. Even though the pain is excruciating...But Daddy, i do not want to turn my back against You, i'm marching on forward, im pressing on. just so to picture a smile on Your face.

I confess and apologise for the fact that I do blame You at times... But Daddy, I know that if this situation grieves me..im sure it breaks Your heart even more..

Instead of asking what did i do to deserve all these pain and confusion... help me constantly remind and ask myself - What did I do to deserve what Jesus had done for me?

So..Lord, not just in favorable situations, but in all circumstances, help me be thankful.

We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God." John 6:69

I give you all glory, and I'll sing praises onto You always..due to Your awesome Name.

God Bless.

unity is pleasant, and precious. unfortunately unity does not really abound...at least i've failed to observe that. judgments passed, criticisms thrown around, assumptions after assumptions made, people disagree and cause divisions over the silliest issues, some take delight in gossips, in discrediting others...and what more.

Lord may You help me not be disheartened, that I may just set my sights on You. I pray O God for love, and trust and unity to abound.. May You help us love one another just as how You love us. Lord May You renew and revitalize us, that there may be less tensions less judments...May You help us live in such a way that our outward unity reflects our inward unity of purpose in You. Lord help live in such a way that Your presence in my life is seen by others. God may YOu use me, and help me be a blessing to someone today. Amen.

"Your Word is a light unto my path
Your Love guides me through my darkest night
And even though sometimes Your ways
I cannot understand
I’ll never walk away because my future’s
In Your hands
I don’t care what people will say
I’m running after You"
Planetshakers - Running after You

Thank You Lord. for being my Comforter, my Enough.

[i still dunno wat to insert here]

yay done with presentation and my essay. presentation went alright i guess, abit better than what i'd have expected. though i was quite disgusted with myself after churning out the 3000 word essay, felt that was one of the worst piece of assignment i've ever written. anyway quite funny how i was miserable trying to write an essay on happiness. owells. haha.

finally, had time to unwind. dinner at hans with li-chan and my 2 lovely housemates..food was ok. but company was excellent. hanging out with them was always good as usual. ;) oh ho..and dont forget our date this sat evening =p

so then had my 12hours of uninterrupted sleeeep. aha...wats left now is a good workout to make me feel like myself again.

This is really random. but then i was just looking through my journal just awhile ago, and saw some personal goals i set for myself since april 2005. hahah. not those..'i must lose 5kg' goals...but rather somethings that i wish to see myself change. To be more pleasing in God's eyes...might be quite small stuffs, some of which are, to stop swearing...more patience.. stop using pirated stuffs, even illegal downloads...(i see that as a submission to authority issue)....and to overcome a few others personal struggles (which im not gonna share here, but willing to if u ask me in person =p). so then...some of it (if not ALL) which i really struggled for a long long while.. like its so normal for me to blurt out "wahlau b***** h***............", or just explode into a string of really crude words when something/someone irritates me. it really took quite alot of prayers and conscious effort before i totally got rid of those words, and to practice more patience. haha.. hmm.

and obviously with the pirated stuff..its also about the, genuine softwares being insanely expensive and all. and hey im not rich leh. why get CDs when i can download free music. its all just a click away. but im constantly reminded that our God is a God who provides. if i don't have the resources to get what i need, i probably don't need it anyway.

quite alot more to share. but im really lazy about this blogging thing. haa.

anyway really thank God by His grace...now that its 2007, i think i've achieved all (almost?) that i wanted to since the time i set my goals. it was really a process of constantly renewing my faith and trust in Him, that He will provide and bless as long as we base our actions on His Word.. that I want to be more like Christ (im not saying i know how..but i guess just to put into actions what God has impressed on my heart).

and to think of it..its not just 'solo' effort. give God all the glory, for without Him im defintely not able to achieve those goals no matter how small they were. but its really the people that He sent to constantly encourage me. how they silently go about being faithful in the things they do, their sharings..most importantly the strength of their decisions based on what is right in God's sight.

hmm..hehe..*waves to mirabel and stella* my 2 dearest sisters in fcbc who has encouraged me so much. love u both dearlyyyyyy *huggz.

thank God so much for all the precious friends around me~ *waves to jean* you've been awesome..and im glad we've gotten closer since camp~ whooopee doo.

haha..eh alot la....and not forgetting my dear tps for always checking in on me.

if u dun see ur name here...its just cos im lazy really. but all of you are dearly cherished and loved. =p

Thank You =)

presentation this tuesday..
3000 word essay due this wednesday (50% - insane!)..so anyway, lets seee.........2500 words more to go...
a few other disheartening issues...

BUT

I still feel a sense of peace and joy within me.
Thank You Lord, for Your constant assurance.
Thank You Lord for providing peace and joy that transcends all understandings.

you say? God says....

You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 3:34)

You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28)

You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith (Romans 12:3)

You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

Always believe that the glass is half full...... ;)

be blesssed everyone.

Jesus..Jesus...my best friend.
who else, other than You can I pour out my deepest thoughts and feelings without being judged.
who else, other than You accepts me for who I am..
who else, can I trust...

Is life really worth living?

what I got from today's sermon -

in death, we live behind everything we have, but we take with us everything that we are.

Journeying through the Book of Ecclesiastes

Today Pastor Benny started the series of sermon on the Book of Ecclesiastes. I felt a sense of excitement and anticipation when he quoted .. "Work through the book, and the book will work through you!" I was like...woohoo! LORD YES! I wanna be transformed by You, I want to hear from you. change me from the inside out!

so anyway, im not gonna repeat the whole sermon (join me for service on sundays/cell on fridays and find out for yourself!!)...

I was reminded again that life without eternal perspective and life without God IS MEANINGLESS...and that it is exactly at those times when I've allowed myself knowingly/unknowingly to drift away from God that sometimes even as a christian, i make the mistake of viewing life through temporal and earthly perspectives, and that is when i can feel life being sucked out of me.. but thank God for His grace and mercy, that He'll always call me back into fellowshipping with Him. Indeed, God has never once failed me, and I believe He never will. =)

But Lord, help me not take Your loving kindness, grace and mercy for granted..I thank You Father for the gift of faith, may You help me in this constant process of daily renewing my trust in Jesus. that even though I might not understand at times, but I'll always trust in Your plans for me.

and...Yes Lord, thank You that my life is not an endless meaningless cycle, but a straight line with fixed destination. Lord I pray that You'll help me run straight to the goal with purpose in every step. Thank You God for the timely reminder, that I'll wanna live my life meaningfully, that I wanna live my life to the fullest, running this race that You have marked for me with vigor and with the end in mind.

"...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1