I just received THE Call of the century.. (weirdly) abt 15min ago !!

its gonna be a mind-boggling week !!

focus focus !!

emotions-that-serves-no-purpose.. be gone !!

F O C U S !!

u all dunno me well enough

xiaowawa: thats our ooi ooi spirit. aizai !

i say...correction. thats only 1/4 of my spirit. the full one is..

aizai, ai sud, ai piah...ai swee !!

since im such a 有深度的人...dun blame u all la...slowly get to know me okay. hahaaaha

we're so going 2....

Thanks for lunch Mr Headless, enjoyed it..more so for the company :p

We didn't quite get it, even plain water was 1-for-1..

Waitress showing us in ,"table for? 2? alright...clearing table, give me 2min"

(i mean, why not a min..or 5min? it has to be 2min)

so anyway, its..

ssiimmppllyy two-rriffic 2day

final destination (2009) is horribly.....horrible. dun catch it, unless ur a fan of blood, gore, lousy cinematic effects and mediocre storyline. i was never a fan of this movie series, or rather, i never liked any of these shows (the original FD was okay la. but u just need to catch that one. the rest is crap).. anyway, somehow i still managed to watch all of them :s hmm i dunno why. i think its one of those 天时地利人和 theory..haha. just happened to be on TV when i was free..and somehoww i never get interrupted watching those films. and i was never tired enough to just doze off midway. unlike films that i wanna concentrate on...i always get called off to do other stuffs. or i'd be too tired my eyelids weighed a ton. zzz. can u believe it.. i so wanted to watch narnia... but i was so tired that period of time...i succeeded only on the 4th try. i slept midway the first 3 tries. not that it was boring...i love the show, i was jus too tired. i know, very random piece of information.. and.. same thing with pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest. i succeeded only at the 3rd try.

so we never planned to catch a movie today. just random. wanted to watch UP.. but it wasnt on...and i have no idea why we picked FD out of the four movies that were still screening at that time. wokay......after reading this whole chunk of blabbering....the essence is still in my first sentence- fd (2009) is horrible.

but other than that.... today was kinda therapeutic. getting to meet the clique.. and just catch up. hopefully, when we meet again, it'll be at a happier and more appropriate place. though you dun read this, my heart goes out to you and your family my friend. take good care.

and of cos..once again im thankful for my dear brudder, heres another guy i can always count on! :) my super4 cab came at the right time, and on time :) sturdy pompeepee.. :) i hope the latte's not gonna interfere in my sleep later..

and...somehow, i love the last conversation i had today. it was strangely, nice.

OWELLzz...so there, bits and pieces of my day. started off rainy, but cleared towards the end.

....rainbows rainbows..wherefore art thou rainbows?

"What I talk about when I talk about running"

I'm done with the book. It's an interesting read with a few nice touches that I enjoyed. I like it as well that I was able to identify with some of his thoughts and feelings.. brought me back to the days where I ran almost everyday in Perth, sometimes even twice a day..for at least an hour each. I like some of the metaphors he used.. and the way he describes his inner state as a distance runner.. There were other themes and stuffs that I found questionable though. But of course, it's the author's memoir.. there's no need for me to agree on everything I read. Also, granted that English isn't his native language.. we might like to cut him some slack in terms of overall prose style.

I'm a happy and satisfied reader. Non-fictions captures me somehow~ Anyway, I'm not too sure how non-runners would rate this book. So, if you're interested, and IF you can handle books with care, I'll be happy to lend it to you. :p Then we can share our thoughts over a good cuppa :D

"I look up at the sky wondering if I'll catch a glimpse of kindness there, but I don't. All I see are indifferent summer clouds drifting over the Pacific. And they have nothing to say to me. Clouds are always taciturn. I probably shouldn't be looking up at them. What I should be looking at is inside of me." Haruki Murakami

AIZAI !!

m o t i v a t i o n

r e n e w e d ! ! !

*still (indefinitely) sian on some issues.........zzz

Sorry couldn't make it to KPO today~ was looking fwd~~

stucked in second gear.

at least im not in neutral or reverse la.. just not moving towards my goal(s) as fast i want to.. slow and steady. so slow frustration mounts at times.. but, still steady. aizai. as life would have it..one just cant be cruising on highway all the time ya.. so its really not that big a deal. going at my own pace oblivious to others' expectations and the world's standards. and i was just telling zw that i'll reach top gear before people know it.. and he'll start to 'pi yan' liow...haha... which is good..cos most poeple will 'pi bo yan' ahah.. justt joking..cruise along with me ya. haha :p

anyway.. august aint a good month. yuckie.. too eventful- not always a good thing. so sept's rolling in.. will see what comes up then. im more excited (or rather jittery) abt october.... ah owells~

im tired again. been driving alot lately. something i don't enjoy. well i dun mind long road trips abroad... i dun mind the wide and long freeways (normally comes with a view + good company).. but not too much driving in sg and at weird timings too...zz...... i really dun like driving...u all know that? and if i've volunteered driving any of you ard..or fetched any of u here n there... then u've gotta noe ur one helluva special person to me, and i love you. haha.. i miss my vespa. i miss riding. sometimes i feel like secretly getting a bike man..haha.... but okay la..make do with pillion riding loh. haha.... dialling 1800-super4-cab.

lately, i've done things i never did before. and somehow by doing all those things....i adopted a new mindset.. i dun quite know how to put it into words now.. but i guess....i've finally learnt to accept some stuffs.. ever heard that acceptance is the first step to recovery/success? acceptance- to accurately perceive and acknowledge realities....sounds simple and obvious, but in practice it’s extremely difficult, especially when it involves chronic difficulties in a particular area of life..

SIGH, okay la... im just blabbering whatever that comes to mind now..

music music is good.. can't live a day without music.
david gate's playing now~ awesome stuff.. goodnight people.

Love Story meets Viva La Vida (:

I love both songs.. mesh these 2 songs together.. and u get an awesome piece too!
This guy's really talented! Enjoy !

Superstar Conversation

I was at newton hawker centre, and was ordering food from one of the hawkers.

Auntie: u wanna see Zhang Zi Yi?
Me: harrr?
Auntie: u wanna see Zhang Zi Yi?
Me: uhmmmmz...... huhh??
Auntie: see Zhang Zi Yi ahh....superstar mahh... u know her?
Me: errrrrrr... ya i know.. see her forwhat?
Auntie: go go see... superstar. the one with shades on her head, under the first umbrella from here..
Me: orhhhh.......

and i was wondering the whole time what the hawker auntie was up to....she was all smiles and super friendly...i tot she was trying to sell me pirated VCDs of zhangziyi or sthg...

So there, i saw superstar zhang zi yi at newton hawker centre today.

今天的心情突然平复很多。。 虽然许多事的确不如意，而且令人非常痛心。。 但其中也有很多‘不幸中的大幸’。

things could have been alot worse. good news is, dad's recovering steadily..both physically and mentally..seemed okay. back to his usual self when i visited him today. somehow..i guess thats good. bills arent as exorbitant as we thought it'd be.. so that's one load off. but there are other considerations as well.... trying not to complicate my own perception of this whole matter, my emotions and thoughts with what really needs attention now. one step at a time then.

i realise on some matters.. there's just no choice. there's no right or wrong, it doesn't matter if you agree or not. and it certainly does not matter how i feel. what needs to be done.....has to be done. i dunno how healthy that is mentally.. denying one's feelings and values... and then going ahead to just get things done. doesnt matter if what i say makes no sense to u..

i just pray that mum and me can both get a good night's rest today. she's been extremely tired since all these happened. the last thing i want is for her health to further deteriorate. as for me..i wake up every morning feeling really lethargic too.

do keep us in prayers. thanks all.

weekends are here..suddenly feel like bball again. wanna breakout in abit of sweat.. but im pretty sick of running. anyone on?

goodnight for now

life.

some people...are just there in your life to purely disappoint and to cause trouble.. some barge into your life, take a crap and run off leaving u to clear their shit.. some just like to act like they're damn happy as though nothing has happened.. some just cant be bothered.. some like to hide.. some act like they care alot, make alot of noise, but its all superficial..

really can see alot when one is down in the pits.
no, im not depressed.

im not as cool about things as i look. its total upheaval inside. dealing with uncertainties, dealing with stuffs that i have no control over..

but so what?

handle as best as i can when theres a situation, solve the problems at hand, plan ahead... but be as flexible as i can.. ppl tell me to be strong. i am, aint i?

still trying to find a reason to smile sincerely each day.. trying to be thankful for each and every small thing that comes my way, for each and every kind passing remarks and encouragements.. though few and far between, for the genuine loving kindness that i can feel from people around..

i've my limits tested over and over and over again. each and every time..i said i had enough. how many more blows can i handle? how many more times can i break till i shatter? i have no idea.

so we've heard, the hour before dawn is the darkest? is it nearly dawn yet? :'(
im all choked up. i cant breathe.

moral obligations, responsibility...practical issues.. self-worth.. the sense of being so alone at times, fatigue from this neverending battle.... ahhh im so tired !! sometimes i just need to be alone, yet there are times when i need people to hold my hand tightly, telling me they're with me each step i take.

handle the hurt, the pain. swallow it, suck it in. move on. i only have this much time for self-pity. move on Jing.

can i have this night to breakdown before i move on...? isit really gonna be better tmr..?
i am overwhelmed with emotions now, it hurts so bad..so bad.

i noe, i'll be stronger after tonight. i will.

hello dear friends, i really have nothing much that i can say, or that i wanna say now. and its difficult to voice everything out too..since much of it are uncertainties. thank alot of u, for offering lots of stuffs.. from words of encouragements to asking whether i need practical help. all deeply appreciated.. all of u, in your different ways have warmed my heart.

just to let u all know, im still okay, i'll take care, i wont crumble. i'll do what needs to be done. dun worry, i will catch up with u all soon.

is there no god ?

just a note that i've been out of contact past 3 days..and apologies if i have not replied any of your smses or returned calls. just went through a really tiring weekend, and i have to re-assess situation at home now. if u wanna contact...do me a favor, just call, dun sms please. or sms me to call u back. dun message me tons of questions. too tired to pingpong msg. thanks

mentally, emotionally and physically drained.
i had enough, so what? it just keeps coming.
is there no end?
when will all these trials end?

"As long as there is love, there is hope"

Caught "The Love of Siam" last night. and I love it ! only available at GV Europa which is at vivocity..go catch if if u can afford the time. this is not your typical gay-themed movie where plots normally deal with homosexuality superficially and as a distinct issue. i like the way the lives of the characters are intertwined.. and how they're woven into a beautiful story of family, love, sacrifice...realities of life. and i especially love how this movie portrayed a mother's love, strength and resilience in times of crisis.. how she never once thought about abandoning the family, how she faced adversities head on. absolutely love this movie. love the themes, the genuine dialogues, emotion-filled scenes peppered with humour, the soundtrack, and if those arent good enough... 2.5hrs to drool on pretty boys should be a good enough reason? :D

"If we can love someone so much, how will we be able to handle it the one day when we are separated? And, if being separated is a part of life, and you know it will happen, is it possible that we can love someone and never be afraid of losing them? At the same time, I was also wondering, is it possible that we can live our entire life without loving anyone at all? That’s my loneliness." — Mew to Tong

can you live life without loving anyone at all?

NDP 2009...smokinn'

wooT~ jus finished watching repeat telecast of NDP 2009. very nice ! so much better than previous years with those artsie fartsie floats ..ehmz...floating ard..hardly caught what those meant. haha. i enjoyed this years' performance!! goodjob welldone to all involved! :D

so we were at esplanade....got there abt 3ish...and it was already packed. not much photos worth posting...haha. firework photos were mostly a flop this time around. wind direction la huh..haha. most photos were too smoky, and then we got the debris later. best.

So we got outta town, and headed straight for Brewerkz at Bt Timah. Surprisingly, i like it there. not as rowdy, food was really good (and i had beer again after many years of abstinence- i blame it on bad influence, haha :p) ..and it was mostly Man U fans there last nite.. save for one who decided to play punk and cheer for chelsea. pui. haha. though a lil opposition here n there spices things up a lil. very nice. i like watching soccer with frens...though im not a soccer fanatic. so the day didnt end on too good a note with Man U losing on penalty shots.

All in all, yesterday wasnt the best of days....not everything went as planned, results werent what was expected... but there were classic moments- moments that i enjoyed, and that was more than enough hey :)

clearest shot of the day...foreground's a flop though

smokiest shot of the day

when i say smokey.. i mean REALLY smokeyy..

"Say what you mean, and mean what you say"

I love National day...I love my country

I love Singapore !

:D

Mongol

most girls will find this boring. but its my kind of film.

anyone interested ?

I finally got to catch the movie "The memory keeper's daughter" today. It's a film based on the novel by Kim Edwards. I was pretty touched while watching it. and i enjoyed it- i guess partially cos i've yet to read the book. i like the themes that surfaced... i feel these are the few important issues which are really worth (read: necessary) exploring if u havent thought abt it before, or rather, be convicted at a certain standpoint. some of it are about the consequences of choices we make, abt how harbouring secrets from those we love wld eventually erode and destroy what we have, abt human's ability to rationalise all manner of lies ..amongst others.

catch it if u have the chance. now that im done with the movie.. i think i'll start on the book. i actually have the book as a birthday present..err..from a few yrs back? can't recall when..haa. but of cos, i still remember who gave it to me (...jus in case....haa.. -_-")

anyway i've finished the book "letters to sam"..and i think im gonna get one for keepsake (cos i borrowed the book from my fren). or any kind souls out there? i dun mind belated birthday present u noe. haha. (other than the fact that i like to own books, i've got a really good excuse though- cos the author's royalties will benefit children's health organisations and charities.. haha. so maybe everyone shld go get one too :p )

so i had stuffs that i wanna blog about... but tonight i cant seem to translate those thoughts and emotions into words. i think its due to the time now. i think im really tired. and its time to sleep :)

buenas noches

food for the soul.

Halfway through the book "Letters to Sam" by Daniel Gottlieb .. great book, highly recommended. To know that such love exists, is a blessing in itself.

Personal, frank, honest and inspiring. Beautiful. May we be discontent with superficiality and that we all learn to live a richer and more satisfying life. :)

i feel the author brought this quote to life- "Sometimes adversity impels a person to greater heights, and sometimes it provides the opportunity for that person to be a blessing in the lives of others."

36th National Pesta Sukan Taekwondo Championship

师父: "全部都有打leh, 你最好下来train, 一起打" *nag nag nag nag nag for 15min*

me: "ahh. okay la okay."

why do i have this feeling that im headed for obvious doom? owells, move as a team..maybe this will re-ignite my passion. if u've never seen me fought b4, dun bother coming down to 'support' pls. very 'lau kui'. maybe can try some sports photography though..but not too sure what you'll be able to shoot without official pass. interested boh? i can check, see if can kapok one or 2 passes, heh.

canvas in my mind

If i could paint a picture of my paradise .. it would consist of,

vast blue skies filled with cirrus clouds..
pristine powdery sands..
not-so-scorching sun..
big waves..
surfer dudes..
sea gulls..
horses galloping at a distance..
long long long stretches of palm trees disappearing into the horizon..
beach benches..
huge colorful beach brollies..

with a neat lil juice and pizza hut.. that also sells ice-kachang. haha :p

hehe ... this actually sounds like costa rica, los angeles and perth combined. guess im not a very imaginative person :p

tonight, i thought about my perth days. i miss my jogs every evenings at murdoch oval, i miss playing frisbee and touch rugby, i miss surfing, i miss student village days, i miss walking thru the long psych corridors and thinking that my lecturers do not hav a life other than academia when i see them still in at 7pm, i miss stay-in dvd nights (with and without themes), i miss potluck dinners, i miss cooking to de-stress, inventing crazy dishes- most a success, while inevitably some failed..like the oolong rice that was bland n soggy, i miss cooking for my friends and hearing them say yumyums, i miss those surprise birthday visits we do for each other, i miss long road trips, i miss friends from sg springing surprise visits to perth, i miss receiving letters and cards in my mailboxes, i miss webcamming, i miss long distance calls and calling till the card runs out of credit becos we fell aslp on the phone, i miss the blue duck cafe, ciao italia, concass, cottlesloe beach, freo, sundays everyday, bubble-teaing, going gaga over k-drama's, jap dramas, animes, youtubing with my pals, MC Liu, Tei singing kohei, mugging sessions with my pals, joodalup's award-winning pattiserie, late night shopping at garbo, random bus rides to the city, oriental shops, northbridge, dimsum sunday mornings, subi market, little creatures, bateman's FHB and meegoreng, buying a whole salmon at crazy cheap price from the wholesale fishmarket at crazily wee hours in the (very very cold)morning, getting a bix box of apples at $2 and having no idea wat to do with it after, i miss snugging beneath my blanket on cold winter nights and not wanting to get out of bed the next morning, i miss the blue blue skies there, i miss watching everybody loves raymond and the simpsons every evening, i miss perth royal shows, i miss grocery shopping especially when timtams are on offer at $1.29 and when all sorts of chocolates bar goes for 99cents each, and cursing how banana prcies at exorbitant at $1(++) each (not bunch, each), the list can really go on and on and on, there are so much lil things here and there that i miss. memories. good ones. :)

all these cos my friends are going back to perth tmr for a holiday (and the fact that i bumped into another fren from perth last week!)~ actually planned to go too, but gave the idea up cos i had other plans. wonders when i'll be back to re-visit the place where i've resided for 4years. i dun think much wld have changed, considering their efficiency level (if any) and the pace of life there..haha.

alritey, goodnight

24/7 HeartlanD Beats

look what my dad brought to my attention today ~ heehe he can be quite thoughtful at times :D
do u all receive the registration forms (i hav extras if anyone needs) from the mailbox? anyway crap.. the free photography workshops all full ..yappari kiasuuu s'poreans..act damn fast

click for more details.

i love it when i laugh so hard my face and tummy hurts.