(life is) a series of small moments

quite drained and tired now, these bouts of migraines just wont go away, been haunting me since the day i kena stomach flu (which was like wat...more than a week ago). just got a wee bit worse these few days cos its more frequent and prolonged. anyway..

was approached by my cell leader to facilitate by leading Word for today's cell. the topic was about endurance..which happens to be a topic that is so close to my (or rather for us all i suppose) heart. i mean..personally when i think about 'endurance'..so many things come to my mind, flashbacks of the past year, about my family, my life.....the pain and confusion, disappointments, then about God's faithfulness and how He has never ever failed to carry me through..at the point when i felt it was too too too much for me to bear, and as i finally allowed Him, HE took over..tears just well up as i reflect upon His goodness. although the process was painful..it allowed me to truly experience the character of God; His love, mercy and grace, to know firsthand His faithfulness and not just merely hearing testimonies from others. its always encouraging to hear testimonies of cos...but i mean to really taste of His goodness, its different, the heart literally gladdens. You know how it is always said that the The Word is life, i've always believed it, but i think i use to quite take it for granted, like ok, yea i know... however, recently when i read the bible, each word seem to 'jump out' at me, and i just come to a 'sudden realisation...hey! The Word IS life! this 'sudden realisation' thing i felt was kinda strange. cos i thought i always believe in it..i do...but now, its just different, i don't say it that 'flippantly' anymore, i say it with more conviction now.. thank God for that.. in a sense many a times when i get sucked dry by worldly affairs, i go back to the Source and find my hope in Him once again to run this race.....

much to say about the above.... but that whole chunk above is not really what i wanna pen down today.. what i actually wanted to convey was that most of the reflections, 'sudden realisation' thingy, and the drawing near to Him, happened when i actually took that step of faith, and availed myself to serve (in this case to take up the challenge from my leader to do Word) God and His people... before this i was actually kind of losing my focus again, almost wanted to tell my cell leader i don't wanna take this up anymore (ironically the topic is on endurance, cannot just give up like that right...haa. thank God i brushed off the idea of quitting).. so anyway, as i go thru the process of preparing for Word, i was kind of 'forced' to read and really meditate on the relevant scriptures. the intention might be wrong..but as i did and progressed thru all the preparation, praying about it...i was actually ministered to, what was bothering me before didnt seem to matter anymore, or rather God gave me a new mindset towards that particular issue and i was able to see it from another angle. then as i went further....i actually took joy in going thru the scriptures over and over again..praying and basically enjoying that intimate time with God.

we often think of wanting to be a blessing to others as we reach out to people, do missions, serving in wherever God calls us to...but i feel many a times as we do all these, the ones who are blessed and receive the most are ourselves. i really feel, although im the one serving, the one who is at the receiving end is still myself, i dont know how much the cell members have learnt about the topic just now, and whether it really spoke to them (i sure hope it did)..but anyway, i've defintely learnt alot thru all these...there really is much to learn, it never fails to amaze me how God works..

anyway im sorry if i dun sound coherent...trying to organise my thoughts and pen this all down before i forget tmr..haa. feels like the first draft for an essay..abit messy. don't know if it makes sense to u...but it sure does to me. haa. oh well..

thats abt all i can say for now...so tired i feel like im in a state of trance now, cant think anymore.
methinks cant wake up for market at 7am already. and im meeting cheryl and debbie 1030am at library to study.

ahhh. nitez ppl.

God Bless.