人生自古谁无死，留取丹心照汗青

i will continue to work my very best, be with my mum, stay sane...and live out my beliefs and values...till my very last day.

thank u brudder.. 最讲义气，最照顾我的始终是你. having had this kinda friendship has made life at least more worthwhile..

at the point in time, where i feel hardly anyone can understand or is mature enough to understand what im going through.. i suddenly heard sthg that made me feel slightly encouraged. the intended said,"i'm not going to say 'it's alright' because it really is not." yes...that kinda honesty. someone ard me..is finally able to see it, or have the courage to speak the truth in kind and with empathy. yes..to say the truth, u'll defintely need courage + love...

the sad fact of life is that not everything is gonna turn out alright all the time. it can get from bad, to worse...and to a point where life just ends. there. thats it. have u really not seen or heard that happen before? have u not seen the lonesone granny who has to take care of her intellectually disabled grandson? or, of people who can hardly make ends meet till something drastic happens one after another? these arent exageration. i've seen it, i've tasted it, and im experiencing it, again. try telling them "everything is gonna be alright".. people need to wake up and realise the world isnt all rosy, with things ultimately falling into place just becos we think it should. there isnt a shld or shldnt in this world. nothing, absolutely nothing can be taken granted for. just becos u have something does not mean that you will have it forever, or that it is rightfully yours..or that somehow u earned it. be thankful that u've been blessed with it, safety, a roof over ur head, steaming bowl of rice, parents who nag at u, bothersome work... cos when u lose it one day, u'll wonder why u didnt do everything in your capacity to maintain or defend it.

so, what is the point of saying something that you don't even believe in yourself? how much of an impact is that gonna make? i am definitely not a pessimist. for i wldnt have made it thus far if i was one...neither wld i say i am an eternal optimist cos that's jus lying to oneself...which does one no good in the long run. i just strive for truth.

im getting really tired with hearing alot of patronising stuffs... politically correct stuffs.. stuffs you should say to another when one is down. stuffs that do not reflect thoughtfulness and true care and concern.. ask ourselves, how many of us now, really take the time to care for people who are supposedly close to us? closest friends...family...whoever. one can say "i love you" and then disappear for the next few mths, "i love you" and the next min do something intentionally just to make you feel bad and themselves feel good. "I love you" and then do something drastic to contradict what has been said without even realising it..or admitting the fact that hurt has been caused. how many of us, actually take ownership of the things we say and our own thinking processes. people jus blurt things out that sounds profound and right, without even understanding the true meaning or implications.. if i dare make a bold statement that we're mostly mechanically thinking the thoughts of others and swallowing them without even careful examination. mechanically plucking out right phrases and standard phrases to say at standard situations. certainly we should listen to the thoughts of others and weigh them but we should never swallow whatever we hear wholly. people jus mindlessly pluck phrases and use them without thinking. think think think..thinking takes time and alot of effort, but that is still time that should be spent. i really detest it when i see people nodding and nodding their head without really taking time to further digest what has been said. look more like an airhead to me with screws on their neck loose..

sometimes, its really not in the things that has been said or that should be said. but rather the genuine heart, and being available that actually speaks multitudes.

im prob really frustrated and my tone might come across as harsh now. and frankly i cant be bothered to rephrase my words. but wadever... life's harsh. my entry is not aimed at making u feel comfortable and nice abt yourselves...cos there are enough people out there who go out of their way to please everyone. im not one of them. im not directing this at anyone in particular.. .or blaming anyone for anything. its just this world in general... is made up of too much mediocrity. so much so that it has become a norm, and it wld come across as weird to make a fuss outta it. tragic isnt it. people randomly complain abt "whats wrong with the world nowadays" without even realising that the problem is just beneath their own nose. people who are genuine, sincerely cares are really few and far between. and if u can find one during ur life time, just one,...consider yourself truly blessed.

this isnt to say i dun have solid frens ard me...i do have, its just..i dunno how to put it, on a different platform.

choose to agree or not agree...or think thru what i've written and grow together. im always willing to listen to the truth. nothing angers and disappoint me more than mediocrity and lies.