stay tuned for more... :D

food for thought

"...because unless we stand for something, we shall fall for anything."
so what do you stand for ?

"I don't care a damn for your loyal service when you think I am right; when I really want it most is when you think I am wrong."
and how loyal and committed are you in the things you stand for ?

"If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?"
"Either do not attempt at all, or go through with it."
how far are you willing to go ?


and for he who has no idea, is neutral, and sits on the fence:

"Show me a person who is not an extremist about some things, who is a 'middle-of-the-roader' in everything, and I will show you someone who is insecure."

"We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over."

not difficult to find a central theme amongst these quotes right ? no prizes for right answer... :p

wahpiang, super tired today. slept rather late last night, woke so early this morleng... (btw, yea i still have those weird dreams everynight.) shall leave the details of what i did today out lerrrrr..............but someone jolly well remember!! "很生气 leh!!" lOL...still dare say. i then 生气 can~ full of nonsense...heh..zzz.

anyway uh, jus came back from kopi with a very dear friend.. it was nice, but cant help feeling bit of a shame on some stuffs. ah well... the quality and way in which we interact has changed quite alot. Depending on how one sees it.. personally, i felt it was for the better.. 一言难尽... whatever it was, somethings can never be forgotten, and you've already secured a very special place in my heart :) ganbatte in ur thesis! so lazy to straighten out my thoughts these days.. previously, been super maxed out emotionally, mentally and physically....at the moment, i guess...hmm...dunno la. haha...i only know, i wanna rest, read...and make myself sleep before 1am tonight. the one thing i can nv stop wishing/praying/ask for- more wisdom more wisdom!! the more u learn, the more u realise u do not know...dunno why sometimes i feel i get stupid-er as i grow older. human interactions get more complex as we grow older too. so tiring. i just want to be simple. simply love, and to love simply. but not everyone can be honest in their communication with another...acquiantances i dun mind, they dun bother me. its ppl who are supposedly close to u..tsk. i just dunno why, and find it hard to understand also. and i never build on relationships lacking in sincerity, honesty, and a willingness to communicate. i hate it when ppl act as if nothing has happened when sthg obviously has. and i hate it when i feel my committment has been made a mockery of. i get upset, very upset. sad, very sad. disappointment and anger. and then, i move on. period.

anyway, learning is no doubt fun, but its also a tiring process, and it's so very essential if we are to live a meaningful and fruitful life. jiayou ah jing ! hmm, i realise my thoughts are all over the place...and has somehow translated into a very unorganised entry...haa...watever la. make do with watever u can understand then. loL...its MY outlet anyway :p bleah. heh..

rock climbing tmr ~ yeeeeeeehar! chao-tar day again~ :s

me and my crappy hairstyle with Jiawen

James, Huat and me

where do i start..wow we go way back. had a good catching up session with these tkd mates jus awhile ago. and with these guys, crap-o-meter continues to stay on an all time high. and it seemed just like yesterday when we were training our arse off like nobody's biz.. totally missed those days.

this past week or so, i did take sometime to quieten the heart.. and think through some stuffs thats been weighing my heart and mind down, then shun bian did abit of mental state 'spring cleaning'... but im rather bushed now.. so i'll probably leave penning those thoughts down when im more awake, and when i have the time. the week ahead seems pretty set and packed, for a few good causes.. haaha... one of which, im really looking forward.

ahh, although i hav quite abit of stuffs here and there that i wanna get off my chest.. i think the idea of relaxing and continuing with my book before sleep seems like a much preferred option now. ooh, sthg random.. i don't have any difficulty falling asleep lately.. but, i've been having nightmares and dreams everyday !! maybe not nightmares...but more of weird dreams everyday, and rather vivid ones too... tsk. loL..not that im complaining, or that im abt to become my own psychoanalyst... but this hasnt happened for quite sometime liao..and im rather amused. wonder wat i'll dream of tonight........heh.....zzz

oh and this weekend is the sc marathon again uh.. even tho i use to run almost everyday in perth...and even tho i can easily run an hour plus or two then without stopping..the idea of completing a marathon has never ever crossed my mind. most definitely not now.. i wldnt do it even if u told me takeshi kaneshiro's waiting for me with open arms at the finishing line, oh wait a sec..hmmm..maybe..heh... max i did was a half with frens and that was fun, but anything more than that is insanity. i meant for me la. haha. i hav utmost respect for those who actually train/jog faithfully (coupled with disciplined/healthy diet).. and i set these disciplined ones apart from those who start conditioning themselves only abt 1 or 2 mths before the actual marathon.. i cannot stress enough how much, doing sports the improper way does more harm than not doing it at all. sighs. think those ah cek i use to spot every evening at woodlands stadium beat the crap out of these ppl anytime. heh. but anyway, i've quite a long checklist of 'Must-do' before i die activities, from adrenaline pumping skydiving...to hot air balloon rides...and what have you.. but completing a marathon was never one of them, and never will be. its just not my cup of tea i guess, i'll probably like to challenge myself..test my limits in other ways... like ehmz, ehmz ehmmmmm....okay nevermind that. im happy as it is now. loL.. and to think i very nearly almost agreed on taking over wy's place this sunday. hey, actually i agreed, but automatically withdrew due to circumstances. wat more can i say? whatever it was, love makes one do crazy things. :s darling, even though i love u, dun suggest this ever again ok. haha.

but im very very de interested in the 40km ocbc cycle thingamajig..and im signing up for it soon ! anymore takers? :p

the equation that sums me up right now (:

its pouring now ! excellent timing !
btw, i love the smell of rain...hee~

great book + coffee in hand = absolute bliss !

day uno of the last month of 2OO8

however we measure it, time remains constant.

aint it amazing how time seems to speed up as you get older?
or, is my brain just working slower?

anyhoos, i seem to be in a jumpy mood today. cant sit my butt down and blog. bleahz !

another escapade, underway..

"i think a 3 days in HCM, 2 days Hue, 2 days Hoi An, 3 days Hanoi, 2 days Halong bay is good!"

but, i'd rather do a place more indepth, rather than 'touch and go'. im more of the take my time and appreciate the scenery, the people, the culture and the feel of the place kind of person leh. especially when it comes to photography, cannot rush! and also, this time round.. i really do wanna catch a breather. sloooooooooooow down mate !! but hmm, all's good.. i think i've found a win-win solution to this.. heh. hopefully !!

anyone who's been to those places mentioned? advices and suggestions !? msg me !
research research first...how long it takes to travel from one place to another- jotted down in my to-do list. loL....*yawns*..for now..i really jus need to sleep. oh wait, hair still wet.. so i HAVE to finish up another episode of fantasy couple loh..haa.. i loveeeeeeeee the soundtrack. too cute.

while waiting..

this entry actually signifies impending ice-cream treat *rawr*

another
r a n d o m
entry
made possible by

iPhone! and it continues to rock my sox !

Have a great weekend ahead all!

peace out ! :D

beautiful excerpt.

"...Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust. Whether sixty or sixteen, there is in every human being's heart the lure of wonder, the unfailing child-like appetite of what's next, and the joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the Infinite, so long are you young..." -Samuel Ullman

let not our souls wrinkle~ but even if it should, may it merely be the indication of where smiles had been. lets all remember to slap on a healthy dose of 'anti-wrinkle cream' at least twice daily~ ! call me if u ran out of stock! keep a lookout, cos im distributing some free samples soon. satisfaction guaranteed. heh :p

check out the time.

to go along at this hour, 我一定是疯了我~ ! im black :( and peeling (jus a little).

heh... daijyoubu~ i love madness anyway.

hmm, feels like a sunday today..very leisurely..and without a worry suddenly. cant remember when was the last time i went for a MIDafternoon (i think nv at this time leh, seriously. tsk) swim, followed by a light lunch and catching up on a weekday... its always much nicer going out on a weekday yea...feeling very relaxed. maybe too relaxed, cos im kinda sleepy now. but i guess i'll 忍abit..

ok, 星期五，再来一次！

thats all for now, a
weird
random
tuesday
afternoon
entry

:)

"at the heart of all matters, is a matter of the heart"

take a break.

i can hardly feel the tip of my fingers as i type. well, after a few eventful days, i've finally let the ball down today. as its always been said, 休息是为了走更长远的路! ahh..cliche~ yikes.. anyway, i reckon if i didn't rest today, i'll have muscle spasms or something. but i'll not rest for too long as to be labelled sedentary. More badminton, tennis, swimming and soccer sessions coming up (shan't detail the makan sessions la huh *cough* lets just pretend i've been living a really healthy lifestyle)... however, no more of ALL these over a short span of 2-3 days :s Although, just for this time, i seriously needed that :) was super concussed last night.. i couldn't even hear the incoming sms~! ok ok, i know, call me a pig. im normally a light sleeper kay.. oh and, my last post, which was initially meant to be a personal outlet to vent my pent-up emotions (yea..u can almost call me power pressure cooker).. somehow doubled to be an SOS signal. haa..no wonder i've a pretty packed week after that ;) or isit jus coincidences? loL, anyhoooos! now i know who reads my blog, or rather..who cares. heh.... arigatou arigatou. i feel loved!

so whatsup on this restful day.. other than blogging this very moment...heh..i didn't exactly do-nothing today- went for a 1-on-1 guitar lesson, really very the not bad! the instructor's rather cool for one..hehe (..he looks kinda familiar leh...hmm, anyway, eh thats not my pick up line!) also, i was rather surprised the first song i got to learn was Hoobastank's The Reason. Damn cool right!? actually its just the G, Em, C and D Chords. probably the simplied version for this song la..haa, good enough tho! still not smooth when i change chords, obviously la..that needs ALOT of practice. but i can strum rather decently, and in tempo now. weeeee! then he said i can bring my stash of mp3s the next lesson, and we can choose some of my favourite (and manageble) songs to learn. heh..i'll probably pick some of jay chou's. hmm. then i went and re-string my ovation today. the string snapped as i was trying to tune...should have expected it ler, its been quite awhile. but anyway, its all good now, my ovation's finally out of the 'cold palace'.

this is a happy entry! yay! i wouldnt say im completely alright... but im on my way :) i've learnt quite alot abt myself over this past month..won't state them all here (for one, i dun feel secure enough to share EVERYthing on my blog, im not even sure who else reads these *shrugs*, the other reason ...if u wanna know more, buy me coffee first! :p ). anyway, one thing for sure, is- to acknowledge how i truly feel. im talking more abt self-acknowledgment..its scary how sometimes im honest abt every other thing, and to others...but i lie to myself on how i feel abt stuffs, and the saddest part is, i actually succeed in fooling myself for a period of time.. not very long though, cos lies don't last! which implies, im taking a detour, a much longer route everytime i lie to myself. everytime i evade something that is real. ....what im trying to say is, if im not alright, i am not. and its okay to be so- life is never a bed of roses. the only way to solve a problem, is to acknowledge that the problem(s) exist, it bugs and saddens.. then find the remedy. if theres no remedy, then learn how to cope with it in a healthy manner. i mean, u cant solve a 'problem' if u deny its existence right? makes sense? anyway..that makes perfect sense to me. ok, so same thing for an emotion- if im upset, wldnt help if i wear a smile everyday, and then act as if nothing happened. have a 'mourning period' than, watever one wld call it.. cry it out, pick myself up. and move on. ok, this sounds easier said than done, it is an arduous process. pick myself up this minute, fall down again the next, pick myself up today, fall down again the next day... what do i do? stand up again la! the crux is, deal with situations the proper way, give it due recognition, not just shove it under the carpet, or burying it somewhere..cos someday it'll jus come up and haunt you, maybe in a different form. or worse yet, not learn anything from the experience, which is a terrible thing i'd feel. sometimes, its a matter of courage or cowardice..i dunno, the latter makes me boil! but anyway, im not saying wear a bitter/sad/sour face the whole day.. just be true to myself thats all. hanging out with friends who understand really helps, alot. these treasured ones, listened to not just what i hafta say, most imptly, they listened to how i feel, the unsaid. i remain thankful/grateful to you guys & gals (you know who you are! :p )...for your willingness (read: trust in me) to open up your raw selves, in sharing your own experiences and perceptions.. and i treasure every bit of it.

anyway uhhh- as i was blogging the above..came another impromptu visit- suddenly popped out of my big treasure chest. :p so eh, train of thoughts broken, no complains! but i'll stop here for now... bottomline is.. no matter how big the blow, or wadever's happened... i've learnt, and am still learning to pick myself up and face the challenges for each day. ahh, C'est la vie~

ps: im watching Fantasy Couple now~ didnt even realise i have this. mini surprise!! who did i kob this from? i don't remember leh.. or, who left it in my hdd??? mystery~ but very cute and light-hearted show. whoever it was, xiexie ni. heh.. O_o ...onto episode 9 now!

I thought maybe it would go away. That I would get over it.

your strength is made perfect in my *weakness (':

just realised ice-cream doesnt help anymore when im really upset. nonetheless, thanks for the strawberry cheesecake- and u gave up ur personal favourite *cough yucko* chunky monkey for me..aww :')

some friendships i know i'll never never lose my grip on.. especially the kind that enables me to gobble up nasi goreng ayam, prata, tandoori chicken and teh alia, on a day when i have the least appetite..and at such weird timings at 1+am. ahh..whho cares abt guilt now, and i quote "wahlaauu, u see nice food, just eat lar! simi anorexic" :)

the situation seems to not have changed, but i am already feeling better after a long and hard cry..and, after the pleasantly sudden visit, and sinful feast.. but yes, crying is defintely not a sign of weakness, its a natural human response..one that marks the beginning of healing, and growth.

guess what, despite being in such a rough patch.. there are really heaps of people, and things to give thanks to.. and sometimes we wish we didn't had these imperfections in life, yet without which, would we be appreciative of the little things that comes our way... ? would we work, and fight hard for a better tomorrow? would we cherish when that person/thing comes into our life.. ? would we have the spirit of humility in us, to learn from our mistakes and/or to strive and be a better person.. ?

...some quotes to end the day..

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. "

"The greatest weakness of all weaknesses is to fear too much to appear weak. "

"Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. "

"If we resist our passions, it is more due to their weakness than our strength. "

"Insincerity is always weakness; sincerity even in error is strength. "

"The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they're alive. "

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. "

oh, and im on one of those repeat mode tonight. somehow this song emerged top on my playlist.. ktweee ktweee timee. okay, i hafta admit, its been a rather tiring, and emotionally draining day, or rather, past few weeks... but anyway, i guess anyone can easily sense that from my rather inconsistent blogging style these days... alrights, even though the mind is resistant to the idea of sleep, the stinging eye is already protesting with double, maybe triple, vision... goodnight everyone.

free gift. unconditional love.

these words don't really go together.
what is a free gift? Aren't gifts free?

and isn't love meant to be unconditional? yes? =)

I'm tired and superbly sick of this home.. This house!! Ugh, is there a God!!?? Help me!!!

Love over-rated..

家不成家，还有什么好说的 ...

"But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want."

雨过了~ 天要转晴了~~

*hopeful~ (:

i know this is overdue, but.. from the bottom of my heart, thanks for always being around, u reached out to me at moments when i've lost the strength and voice to cry for help, for letting me be when i needed time alone, for enduring my wilfulness, for your patience and gentleness, for your forgiveness when i've hurt u deeply not just once.. for your indulgence in my wants/needs, nv once complained (i cant remember at least.. :p), for pulling me back when i've lost my centre, for ur constant reminders that someone always cares... thank u for being the person that you are, thank you my bigfatbeachbrollyy :')

cheapthrill !

I'm blogging from my phone!
I know it's been a long time since wireless@sg first started.. But hey I haven't been around, and and and... I only got my super cool phone that allows me to come online n browse (without grieve) recently :p

And since I won't hav Internet at home for at least a week(woe!!), definitely appreciate this service (and my phone!!) alot more. Heh.

Go tech ! .....iPhone rocks !!

Ok toodooloos for now.
Shall not be too consumed with techs when I'm out. These stuffs facilitate and enable efficiency.. But I need human touch!! Nothing can replace warmth of being with loved ones and friends, seeing real smiles and hearing their laughter. Not 'smileys' and 'loL' !!

the point being..?

The Paradoxical Commandments

People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends, and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today, will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world your best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.

....not to give up hope.

dying words: i bury everyday.

since getting my P535 back. today's the first time im using it.

what's your point. i don't get it. never did.

amazing. somehow..some ppl jus brings across the same points in a more poignant manner. in a way, that strikes a chord in your heart.

靖，你可以的。雨过天一定晴！suck it ALL in...and tahan.

Freud and friends.

felt like penning something down today... but due to its infrequent use, my brain has run out of stuff that is remotely blogworthy. feels as though i have nothing to say, and, and lots to say, at the same time. what can possibly explain this phenomenon..?

My strongstrongstrong Id is telling me that I should do the same thing of running, this time, not away, but back.
My idealistic Superego says I need to continue the ascent of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. That I need to reach my self-actualisation.
My dumbass malfunctioning Ego is friggin' sick and tired of being the middleguy..

I might just have to take the MMPI soon...

random musings

someday maybe I'll write a story which the chapters don't connect. The more disjointed the better.. probably sounds stupid, but that's what I feel life is like sometimes. If I cld explain it in a different manner...Every moment is like a frame, the next might be totally different, or not. Today you're here, and maybe tomorrow, there might be someone in your place. Maybe of the five people you see in one frame, there are three you'll never see again in any of the others. Then again, maybe we're friends today, tomorrow, and for a long time after. I don't know. Everything just changes so fast. Even if you have the exact people in the same place, in two frames, there are still small things that change. I'm not talking about years years, just give it two months? *shrugs* It's unpredictable, and it makes no sense. But maybe it's really like one of those huge montage/mosiacs puzzles.. Maybe you might have a picture of mickey mouse, right next to a picture of a funeral. It makes no sense to put them next to each other, and it looks downright random. But from somewhere far away, maybe it'll make sense. i dunno.

anyway, life is both fragile and resilient. in life, we cross path with many ppl.. but we can’t keep in touch with all of them— not in any sort of meaningful way, at least. But do not allow those who are important to u to slip away. and I am very thankful for the few of u in my life, who have stayed on till now..whom have laughed together, offered an outstretch arm in times of my needs, warm fuzzy hugs at totally random moments. love u all.

The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. -Victor Hugo

靖，该长大了

goodnight world. :'(

reality hits.

didn't realise i'll be faced with such situation.
didn't realise that i'll have to face sthg that i don't want to, so soon.

it just..gets better, each time ......

猜不透

五月天 - 你不是真正的快樂

Lyrics 歌詞:

作詞：五月天 作曲：五月天

人 群中 哭著
你隻想變成透明的顏色
你再也不會夢 或痛 或心動了
你已經決定了 你已經決定了

你 靜靜 忍著
緊緊把昨天在拳心握著
而回憶越是甜 就是 越傷人了
越是在 手心留下 密密麻麻 深深淺淺 的刀割

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑隻是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

這 世界 笑了
於是你合群的一起笑了
當生存是規則 不是 你的選擇
於是你 含著眼淚 飄飄蕩蕩 跌跌撞撞 的走著

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑隻是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂 你的傷從不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了 然后才后悔著

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑隻是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂 你的傷從不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了

你值得真正的快樂 你應該脫下你穿的保護色
為什麼失去了 還要被懲罰呢
能不能就讓 悲傷全部 結束在此刻 重新開始活著

quite true isnt it. haa..tsk.

sthg i got in my inbox today.

Quote for the day:

'Whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her respect and kindness, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, she will give you a ton of shit.'

trudge on warrior.

feels good getting 'stuffs' outta the chest. whatever it is...its out. whether the ending is as my heart's desire, or not. the point is, i know, i've done everything in my power. and that is good enough, for i've tried. no regrets.

Opening my heart to someone doesn't always have to be a frightening experience. I show my affections and opine it as a truth im stating, not as a risk im taking. anyway, bottomline is.. i feel good now.

after so long, i've finally had a hearty meal. my appetite's back..and im back in chillin' mode. yeah i've yet to secure a job, and it seems at this point in time, a rather bleak outlook. add on to the fact that dad jus did sthg 'clever' again...was rather affected..but que sara sara. i'll take it a step at a day.

out of control~!

pimple outbreak!! exasperated!!!

i think been too stressed + lack of sleep.

time to pig out.

decision just proved right.

lesson learnt today: never doubt myself.

depressive realism

-- is the theory that depressed people get into the state they are in because they somehow see the world with greater clarity, and thus more accurately. you don't have to be a genius to tell that this was something i held true since i was very young. through the lens of adolescent angst, it seemed so correct, so perfect. of course that's why i'm unhappy. it's because i'm smarter. haa.

so now that we're grown, and can look back on those times with a mixture of amusement and disgust, we can ask ourselves: what's a more mature formulation of that theory? well, the model is not exactly true - it doesn't predict depression. people get depressed for a whole load of reasons, but just as many dumb people get it as insightful ones. however, if you only study people who do not meet diagnostic criteria for the illness, the pattern re-emerges: the happier a person is, the more deluded he tends to be (it's not a trivial correlation either). so here's a rare case of intuition being borne out by statistics, and the cynical viewpoint actually being sort of correct. life sucks, and you get happy by believing that it doesn't - there's a big problem with this, though. thought experiment: you invent a brand of therapy where people actively learn how to be ignorant. not CBT, not monitoring cognition, or filtering thought processes, but actively pursuing ignorance. my guess: not too many people lining up at the psychologist's door.

..in other words, your way might make you feel better, but it also might be less accurate.

it's the old sheryl crow thing.

you know

if it makes you happy,
it can't be that bad.
if it makes you happy,
then why the hell are you so sad?

i realise, that one of the worst feelings is being helpless- especially when the thing tt is not in yr control and is not fated by u, affects u directly AND deeply.

now, the worst thing is waiting.

quotable quotes.

The limits of your language are the limits of your world.--Ludwig Wittgenstein

What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.--Sigmund Freud

Genius is nothing but continued attention.-- Claude A. Helvetius

Patience is a necessary ingredient of genius.--Benjamin Disraeli

In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity.--Dean Acheson

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.--Peter Ustinov

One of the surest signs that intelligent life exists in outer space is that none of it has tried to contact us.--Normandy Alden

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.--Kierkegaard

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.--Steven Wright

note to self.

no matter what the cost, and no matter how deep the grief, even in a battle that appears to be hopeless..


battle on, fight the good fight.

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.--Abraham Lincoln

the day my watch died.

S I A N !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

*heartache

hot, humid, dusty, unsettled, noisyyyyy.... and worried Jing misses Chiqui alot alot.. :'(

Jing just wants a good bath now.

[r][an][dom]

its been quite awhile, i'd be surprised if anyone still checks in.. well anyway, i've quit my job at the DAS. looking for greener pastures. maybe more of this next time round. havent exactly freed up my time after my last day at work. been busy moving to my new place.. trying to pack and settle down. tonite's my 3rd night at the new place, alone.. why alone? well..cos the SCV and internet has been transferred to the new place... so anywhere with these 2..i'll be fine. plus, theres a load of kopitiams in my area...so i wont die of hunger..that is if my laziness does not get the better of me...

tt being said, i've been feeling rather sick today..wonder if its plain tiredness, the gastric acting up again, or jus sthg else bothering me...... sighs. rather off balance lately.. doing and saying stuffs without much thoughts abt the consequences... making rather irresponsible decisions, that'll not only hurt myself, but others as well.

decisions decisions decisions- i reckon the hardest part in life... is to make decisions.

my love!

Finally..

Proud owner of Trek Mountain Hardtail 4500 (2008)! :)

anyone.. bike siao out there? loL~ lets rideeeeeee! ikimashooo~!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Frameset- 16"
Colour- Metallic Black/Silver
Frame- Alpha Black Aluminum w/externally relieved head tube, hydroformed bi-axial down tube, monostay seat stays, forged disc ready dropouts
Front Suspension- RockShox Dart 2 w/preload, lockout, 100mm

Wheels:
Shimano M475 disc hubs; Bontrager Camino rims
Tires:
Bontrager Jones ACX, 26x2.1"; 27 tpi
Drivetrain
Shifters- Shimano Deore, 9 speed
Front Derailleur- Shimano Alivio
Rear Derailleur- Shimano Deore
Crank- Shimano Alivio 42/32/22
Cassette- SRAM PG950 11-34, 9 speed
Pedals- Alloy platform
Saddle- Bontrager Race Basic Lux
Seat Post- Bontrager Sport
Handlebars- Bontrager Crowbar Sport, 25mm rise
Stem-Bontrager Sport, 10 degree
Headset- Aheadset Slimstak w/semi-cartridge bearings, sealed
Brakeset- Avid SD-3 w/alloy levers

additions- bar ends, rear pannier

None but Jesus

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

Happy Birthday Shini, Xueni (and Aini) =)

tps forever looking dao..but at least ur taking photos now..hehe.

darling...forever serious with her food. loL..

and, our birthday girl's enjoying her starters :p

tps, me, xueni, half of darling's face..shini and maileng

lilian we missed u again~ dun worry, we'll meet again soon after ur exams! almost there! huggs!

birthday girl in the middle~ hehe...hope u really like the gifts...loL~ ;p

check out the food~ its yumyummss!!

xueni ! (birthday girl too~nope not twins..hehe..TRIPLETS!) but hmm only 2 of them here. hee~

awesome company~ thank God for these group of budz. (=

i baked again! (: its yummehh!

I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeee my Chiqui~~

first thing i do everyday once i step home...is to play with her!! =)))
everyday she'll greet me so excitedly at the doorstep, without fail~ and do a mini dance for me. hehe. im serious! i think shes kinda like a rabbit in a dog's body or sthg. she hops on 2 feet!! can do it backwards somemore eh! cuteeeeeeeeee!! hehe.. lovee!!

css buddies at Timbre.

tps, shini, weiying and me!

darling and me! weeeeee!

Lilian where are uuuuu? dun bury urself in books!! :P

us at island creamery for Dorcas' farewell. not the entire team of psychos here..most of them are though. then we hav some from the IT + admin side too~ nice colleagues

Colleagues at the DAS (:

Dorcas, Puayson and me

quiet afternoon.

this is a backdated entry...i wrote halfway, then got busy again..heh..

im in the office now. just completed my first case today (yayy!!....that is of cos, with supervision from my senior psych.hee..). well i had my first session on 13th (cognitive assessment).. and today was the literacy test+concluding session. for the most part of interviewing and assessment i was taking the lead with the senior observing me... but i left the entire concluding session to her, heh..not confident enough, scared i'll be too emo + also lacking the tact to convey results to the parent, or for my case i guess, too sensitive about the mother's feeling..then i'll hem and haww and possibly not convey the results of the assessment as required... truth sucks, reality bites... and thats something i have to get used to la. owells...i have to do it sooner or later. i guess for my next case...which is this coming Tuesday+Wednesday! Anyway..guess what..i'm currently taking a break from report writing. haha... somehow it feels different writing a report now. not writing for a grade, but rather one that could possibly aid (or break) a child. how i use to complain abt assignments and report writing while i was at Murdoch. haha...now for every child i assess, i have to write a report. and the load currently is 1 child per week, which will soon increase to 2 child/week......normally we're given abt 4weeks to write a report after the assessment...so...hmm...think abt the reports thats gonna pile O_o heheh

time at the DAS has gone by unusually fast. its been a month (plus 4 days to be specific) since i've started working! I guess thats good in a sense- means I'm enjoying myself here. Happy with my job scope, there are still heaps for me to learn, and im enjoying the whole learning process. Though it can be rather stressful at times...not really due to the expectations of others or anything, but more of the expectations i have for myself. colleagues have been really patient and helpful. and im really thankful for that.. :)

24th March

have not been very motivated in updating the blog regularly..much as i want to, loL..i just get distracted with TV..my doggieee...with family and friends...with work that im honestly loving so much...heh..

anyways, im already done with my 2nd case as i continue with this backdated entry...loL...a very interesting case it was...heh..slightly traumatised by the child's hyperactiveness during and after the assessment. O_o cute kid..but i wldnt want to be his teacher in sch... aha... well he aint that bad la..but didnt expect to get hyperactive kids for my 1st few cases. loL...but its all goood. im glad Dorcas was there to observe and supervise. haha...and she was able to provide suggestions on how i cld better handle these situations next time round. talking abt this, i am rather sad that she's leaving. such short time we hav as colleagues! i'd think there's so much to learn from her.. her experience at the DAS, with kids..and even looking up to her as an example of how one could bless the workplace with her faith and love for God. but owells, people do need to move on, and im happy that she's moved on to greater and better things in life.

okay i made some apple pie today! weeeeee! bringing it to work for my colleagues tmr. heh...specially for Dorcas who's leaving, and Clement who went all the way to Compass point and queued there for an hr, jus to help me get N82 at a cheaper price. loL...

getting my 2nd pay in a few days timeeeeeee!!!! weeeeeeee! :p

Week 1.

hey..its friday! i've worked for a week! no dramas no nothing. its been rather smooth sailing- but i guess thats cos the practical aspect has yet to set in. still trying to piece together the different theories of dyslexia (awful lot!), and the various issues that tags along...the diagnostician's role and blah.

other than readings, there were discussion sessions, mini lectures by senior psychs. then yesterday i had the opportunity to observe a testing session conducted by one of the senior psychs through a one-way glass. i mean i've seen these kinda stuff on TV, but still the whole concept was rather interesting. a novel experience for me. but the client was a 15 year old child, so it was a rather routine process...just observed how the testing was done, the tasks used, how my senior brought the child through the whole process..and issues that cropped up (well, none yesterday actually). but that was good.

in an hour's time, i'll be heading down with the senior psych to AMK's learning centre. to see what the centre is like, what they actually do..and to observe when she teaches..prob get a gist of how the association works..what actually goes on....know what the child would be doing after the testing sessions. looking forward to that... need to get out of the office. O_o

hmm...week one. gone. just like that. so fast. and i'll be here for at least 3 years. kinda tired + unreal, actually. havent really sorted out my thoughts on work and all... everything jus kinda...happened. rushed back SG after submiting thesis..went for a short break to Korea. then lotsa stuff happened at home...then i hopped onto the first job that accepted me. then back to Perth for a week to pack during CNY, then started work immediately O_o

been blogging abt wat i've been doing at work (as opposed to what's going on in my mind)... i guess this weekend's a good time to do some catching up with myself. i mean...i don't like what's happening. thrusted to do stuffs..make decisions, to just go with the flow... but i don't actually have time to think about how i feel about everything that has been happening. and to 'make sense' of stuffs...owell.....probably cos i've lost my Focus.

day one.

......of my first full paying job! (=

so how was it? as with all other jobs, i guess...day one is just orientation. getting to know the place, the organisation, and the people. had briefing from one of the specialist psychologist abt what the job entails, and the schedule/training for this coming month. then there was a meeting with the director...which was rather interesting. what he said was quite inspiring, and a little assuring.. btw, the director's dyslexic. heheh... interesting. real life portrayal that having dyslexia does not paint a bleak future. people with dyslexia can achieve great things in life.. that is, of cos, with lots of perseverance + hardwork. well ... who doesnt need that 2 qualities to be successful in life.

so anyway, i havent regretted signing the 3year contract...sounds like a really good training ground for me, with a variety of opportunities awaiting me in the future. apparently our specialist psychologists gets sent to UK/States for conferences and stuff. sounds cool huh. of cos...i'll need to put in maximum hardwork. 2 of them are heading to UK to present their paper this coming march~! *wonder whens my turn* heh...

up till now..there are a few things i quite like about this organisation. working pace is comfortable.. no one's rushing around with knitted eye brows and stuff. people generally know their work, or they arent afraid to ask and discuss, set a good pace, ppl seem really helpful...helps each other out on cases. havent sensed any office politics..maybe its too early to say. first impression, i'd say its a very friendly environment...heh... well psychologists are supposed to be nice and understanding ppl....arent they? loL...

hmm wat else....oh, ALL the psychologist in my office are females! no guys. haha. darn! the only guy i saw was the IT personnel who helped me set up my workstation + email. yarps..thats the only guy ard. loL~ hmm...now this part of my future seem bleak to me.. i wanna get married before 30years old leh! okay..out of point. lets get back to talking abt my job...

hmm its a 5 day work week..so if i hav to work on saturdays, i get to choose one weekday off. which is quite cool. makes it really flexible to run watever errands i hav to. basically they dun really mind, as long as u clock 44hrs a week, and ur learning/contributing. theres that option of coming in earlier for work, and leaving office early as well.

one thing really strange is....i don't even hav the option of working OT even if i want to! haha. everyone leaves ON THE DOT! omgosh...loL..i wanted to stay abit longer to browse thru articles n print out some stuffs...but then...everyone jus started leaving one by one from 530pm...and practically no one was left in the office by 6.10pm (yea...even the admin people disappeared~ like *ppoooof* all gone)! one of the senior psychologist who was the last...said...oh hey..lets go, last one to leave hav to switch off ALL the lights in the office. i was like..oh oh..okay okay. dun leave me aloneee. lets go." i thought that was quite funny...in comparison to all my good friends who keep complaining abt working till late and stuffs.......heh.... *yah tps...talking abt u*

well..theres nothing much to do on the first day....actually..nothing to do at all. haha...jus ALOT ALOT ALOT of readings. piles and piles and piles of reading. hmm... im abit stressed though, cos 2 others also started work with me today. one of them holds a masters and the other postgrad in counselling or sth...and they hav like tonnes of experience working elsewhere... kinda stress i'll lag behind during training. haha. im gg to piah all my readings...and make sure i dun fall back. i think readings-wise im okay...its jus that i dun hav the practical knowledge and experience...one of them worked as a school counsellor before this..and the other at MINDS as ermz...some therapist or something.....so when it comes to practicing the assessments with the tools and stuff...i'll probably be sloooower...well, we'll see.... i do hav that bit of experience dealing with 78 kids last year! i think i think too much la...haha. too much pride..dun like to lag behind other ppl.

and ermz...i jus like to bop around too much...sitting at my desk from 830am - 6pm....seems too much for me to bear at the moment. haha....i dun want a big butt and potruding tummyyy! oh and funny part...everyone's really skinny and small sized~ haha. im like the tallest there O_o....hmm and theres the talk abt professionalism when they were briefing abt dress code and stuffs...i gotta cultivate that professionalism thingy... haha...dun hav that at all now, dun hav the feeling also. plus i look young (well i am young.. )...i guess i'll hav abit of difficulty convincing the parents. hmm...i guess first and foremost...take pride in wat i do, put in my best...and all the professionalism thingy will come.....loL~ Jing ah Jing....work harderrrr~!! at least gain a sound understanding of ur job first. GANBATTE!

ooh and a special shout out to Mr Alvin Soong! HAPPY BIRTHDAY to youuuuuuuu!!! :)

at walters.

Alright folks, I'm back in Perth. Packing up before I head back Singapore again- to start work. If I haven't told you...I've got myself a job at the Dyslexia Association of Singapore. Whoooopeee dooo~ got myself a job working with kids (and abit of interaction with their parents....*woe*)..then there's the usual report writing, and research, which is i guess inevitable in psych. I've signed a 3yr contract with them..no, theres no scholarship involved... there was just alot of mention from them that its a heavy investment on their part, takes alot to train up a new psychologist, it'll take 1/2yr to at least get the hang of the work there... so we'll see. i was abit hesitant at first, but owells..i thought why not. to gain a full understanding and be good at something, i guess 3years seems fair enough. anyway this will probably make me go all out and do my very best...not that i wldnt if there isnt a contract, but i guess i dont have a choice now. =)

the 2 senior psychologists who interviewed me seemed really nice...so im hoping it'll be a good working environment.. and... that i'll receive the training that i've been promised. i wonder wat working life is gonna be like.. hopefully i'll develop a passion for this job...if not..it'll be quite tragic. so its mostly assessments on our part...but not much of interventions, which means helping the child cope with dyslexia and stuffs..they have specialist teachers for that. which is rather disappointing i felt. assessments would probably take 1 or 2 sessions the most? i don't reckon there'll be any followups from there....anyway this would all come in much later.

i guess for now, i need to have a thorough understanding of wat dyslexia is...know everything there is to know abt dyslexia. honestly, i think during this four years in uni, i've only had ONE lecture on dyslexia...oh wait a min, not a whole session dedicated to dyslexia..jus a mini little portion of that ONE lecture. so anyway, i've been doin abit of research on my own..reading up online..got 2 books from Murdoch library as well...hopefully i'll start work with enough knowledge (for the time being) to not portray myself as an airhead. -_-"

so wat else.....lets see..back in perth, and its really hot. alright, i dun really wanna start complaining anyway. my last time back in perth, some stuffs im really gonna miss...and some, not at all. *ops*...walters has closed~ omgosh...din even realise everyone's gone. until Adrian came and sit by me~ O_o ... okay, gotta go now.

:'(

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm pressed but not crushed
persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

thats my Chiqui !! =)

Don't be fooled. shes not that quiet...haha

Korea! (:

haha so girly~ buay tahan! anyway...here's one pic first. hahaha..i noe i noe..after so long...only one pic. im juz very lazy..i'll post more photos up soon! havent got them from my frens~ bleah~

in other news, im gg for my 1st job interview tmr! haha. for the post of associate psychologist! wish me luck. heheh...more of a fun thing i guess. haha. excited!

Goodbye Shadow

you'll be dearly missed :'(

harlowww everrybardieee! im back from Korea! it was an awesome awesome trip. hehe..love the culture, the food, the weather, and the superb company~! havent enjoyed myself this much in a long long time~ whooopeee!

for the first time in my life i saw snow falling~~~!! really beautiful~ was the first day (19th November 2007, 9PM!!) snowing in Korea this year~ so luckkyyy~~~ and and and....i went skiiing at Korea's international skii resort. hehe..li-chan...this is the place where they filmed winter sonata, and where shinhwa did one of their MTVs. haha~ then then then...wore korean traditional costume, hehe..quite farney~ but very funnnn~ then then then...food was awesome..and super healthy la! tried lotsa stuff...woooo~ ate bbq pork and drank shoju (korean wine). super yumss to the max!!

and i bought 2 dozen krispy kremes back (amidst many stuff i brought back...not alot actually..but considering the little time we had for shopping.....hahaha...think i quite power. heheh)~ lOL....anyway quick call me if u want someeeeeee!! heheh =p

okay abit sleepy now, update more with photos next time round!

ooOo oo...my mummy's friend wanna give me her 3-yr-old golden retriever! so excited!!! gonna check the dog out soonish! hope i can click with the dog..hehe. if not im gonna go puppy hunting after convo and when im settled properly in SG~ wheeeee! golden retriever i love!! lovee shelties tooo~~ one of my favourites!!!!!!!! hehe =)

exclusively swong. part II

isolation says:
HAHAHA. u cannot read shortform ar

isolation says:
hahaha

Jing - corolla hatchback manual 1.8L for sale! says:
-_-

isolation says:
i pply rite all sortfm

isolation says:
HAHAHAHA

Jing - corolla hatchback manual 1.8L for sale! says:
HAIYO!!!

isolation says:
it meant "i purposely write all shortform"

second day.

weather's awesome back home. really cooling, and not as humid as i imagined it to be. spent time at home with mum, read books + manga (havent done this in a looooong time~! li-chan, im reading qi ling wang now! haha. makes me wanna learn how to play! cheeem game..i cant even play chess well. heheh) and watching TV at home. nice and relaxing.

was at bugis today for awhile, nice meeting up with a few friends. but oh man....i really hate walking around malls in SG now. so crowded...i feel out of breath! not that me and my friends went window shopping or anything, but like manoeuvering my way to find my friends, then later to coffeebean was bad enough. ugh.... this big part of me wished i was home reading my book on my big comfy sofa in the living room. like seriously.

its kinda....strange. i enjoy catching up with my friends, but at the same time, i found it such a huge waste of time to be in the mall. what popped in my mind then was...i could be somewhere doing volunteer work, helping someone in need. giving my care and attention to the less privileged..and so on. then i started to think about where i could do that, and what else i could be doing. i just can't stand doing things that are non-productive now. somehow if im not learning, thinking, reading or sowing into lives...i feel as though im wasting my time. watching tv + reading manga + spending time with family = rest. haha =p

scene in SG now is pretty much the same 4 or 5yrs back (before i went to Perth). but now that im back, the feeling's somehow different. really really different. im looking at the same things but with very different perspective. more on this next time.

anyway, after im back from Korea, i'll definitely find somethings to do. meanwhile...its just really nice to be home. (:

my study.

specially for SWONG! - ehh...tell me how to summarize this into 2 sentence for u on msn. if u can do that..i buy u another pack of gummies from the korean store. okay for all my dear friends who did not request a 2 sentence summary from me....heres an excerpt from the report I wrote for the primary schools i did testings in..basically summarizes the findings of my study....not everything though, but basically trying to tell the principals..hey u've not wasted ur time..ur kids are very smart. thank u. haha... okay...well not really. anyway....heres it.

This study examined how objective abilities and children’s beliefs about their chance of success affected their interest in items on a thinking task. Participants were recruited from four primary schools with pre-primary services, to consist of 2 homogeneous age groups: 40- 5-year olds and 38- 7-year-olds. Specifically, children completed a series of puzzles that increased in difficulty and were asked to rate how confident they were that they could answer each item correctly, and how interesting they found each item.

Previous studies have found that adults generally display an inverted-U relationship between difficulty and interest, that is, low levels of interest in very easy and very difficult tasks and high levels of interest when difficulty is high yet still within one’s perception of being able to cope – when one’s chance of success is about 82%. In contrast, in the present study, most young children’s interest was unrelated to item difficulty. Five-year-old children reported very high levels of interest in most puzzles regardless of difficulty level, and showed a high degree of confidence in their ability to solve puzzles even when they were well beyond their actual abilities. Furthermore, consistent with previous studies, we found that children’s overestimation of their own abilities declined steadily between five and seven years of age – though 7-year-olds were still overconfident.

Results also indicated that, for the 11.5% of young children who showed the adult-like inverted-U association between difficulty and interest, the point of greatest interest occurred when they have relatively low chance of success – 64% for 5-year-olds and 77% for 7-year-olds, in comparison to adults’ 82%. Thus, despite children having lower levels of ability than adults, the puzzles these children found most interesting posed them a greater personal challenge than was the case with adults. Children appear to be more interested than adults in tackling tasks with a high risk of failure – possibly because they consistently underestimate their risk of failure.

actually....can sum it up in one sentence...the degree of kiasee-ness increases steadily with age. i.e., the older u get, the more kiasee one becomes?!? arr...crazy...cannot. haha...

okay. byebyee!

finally.

12 115 words (not including abstract + appendix) ..overshot word limit -_-"

80 references

78 children tested

9 months of work

many nights of lost sleep

many many many cups of coffeee

.....and the stats can go on....but i cant think now.

its finally done. so how am i feeling now? i have no idea. maybe i'll answer that...after a goodnight's rest. haha.. i'll need to photocopy 3 sets, bind them...and submit, get a receipt before i can set my mind at ease. still feeling abit unsettled....feels like i havent done something. maybe im just paranoid. haha..

anyways...heres the simple acknowledgment attached in my thesis.. thought i'll just paste them here.. yarps...this marks the end of my undergrad life (possibly the end of my formal education..haa.....abit sick of research now actualllyyyy...ops). so yeah....alright, i'll be back after i get my sleep.....

Acknowledgments

I would like to express my most sincere gratitude to my supervisor Dr Helen Davis for her patient guidance, encouragements and advice throughout this study. Her dedication towards supervision and insightful comments has been my constant inspiration.

I would also like to thank the staff and students of Marys Mount Primary School, Newlife Primary School, Xavier Catholic School and St Hilda’s Anglican Girls’ School for their participation in this study.

I would like to take this opportunity to express my deepest gratitude to my beloved parents for supporting me in my educational pursuits, for their constant care and unconditional love; without them, the best things in my life would never have been.

Thanks also to all my dear friends for their encouragements and my spiritual family for their prayers. I would like to give special mention to Suli Chai, a dear friend whom I’m really thankful to have known during my undergraduate life in Murdoch University, her optimism, humor and friendship has made this journey more enjoyable.

Finally, I would like to give thanks and all glory to my God, whose love and grace allowed me to persevere, whose blessings have made all things possible.

overworked brain

ahhhhhh! my head is exploding!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................help!!!!

Thesis word count- 11, 519 words!

and i wish, quantity = quality. sadly this is not so! much left to do...so near yet so far.

random news: all in a day, i've got news of a good friend getting married + another close friend got attached today. too fast too furious~~!!

the spoilt brat has learnt her lesson.

i use to do things only when i feel like it. totally no sense of urgency+responsibility.
now, i need to force myself to not feel anything so that i can complete my work.

both extremes suck.

Dear Mr. God...may we negotiate a middle ground for this. i promise i'll not be the spoilt brat that i was anymore.

too fast.

sometimes i wish time would come to a standstill. even if its just a minute. everything and everyone, hold on for a moment.

kokomo

i just feel like listening to this song now...haha. but the animation is abit duhbleah-ish though. heh...enjoy =p

i wanna go to the beachhhh!

time is running out! THESIS!

li-chan....i decided on this blog title specially for u. hahaaha....friend enough? loL

funny how im not as stressed (doesn't mean im not..loL) about my thesis as i was with my assignments.... is this a serious case of bochupness? or have i learnt to better manage stress...? maybe its an interplay of both factors...haha. actually...no, i think it might only be the latter + the assurance of God. not that writing a thesis is easy...but its muchmuch easier without having to fear. I love my Daddy. weee~

hmm, i've lost some weight after putting in more time and effort on my thesis...which is really weird (first time i lost weight without trying! plus..i havent exercised in months....bleah, so unhealthy). i havent got much appetite lately, and i think my system's gone bonkers. like i met li-chan for dinner at abt 4pm today (now i realise its my first and only meal for the day)...i din feel hungry at all but i just ate anyway, cos i know that i need to. then after i finished my subway wrap, i didn't feel full either. no hunger and no feelings of satiation. how tragic! im not complaining abt the losing weight part though. haha. that needs to STAY GONE!

so anyway...i think thats kinda good also in the sense that its really difficult to do any work when you're full..cos all the blood goes to your tums to digest the food, so then less blood goes to the brain...and i need lots of brain power for writing. so sorry tumtums i'll compensate u with more yummy food after 29th oct. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

oh and im talking alot (more) to myself these days~ yikes...wat a thesis does to u....hehe...hmm. okays. back to work. byeee for now.

i churned out approximately 640 words (only!) for the results section..........after 9hour 30min of work (from 8.30pm - 6am).

majorly grossed out.

im gonna sleep now.

edit:

i can't sleeeeep!!!
okay..then i shall have breakfast............... ooH guess wat~ the birds finally stopped chirping. yays!! i really hate it when day breaks..and the birds start "chirp chirp chirp chirping..." ....just cos i dun feel as chirpy as them, i really feel like shooting them down!!

im done with methods! 2400 words. haha...i guess i shldnt be proud..cos that should have been done like ages ago. but owells..loL...look on the bright side, another step nearer to thesis completion. freedom! i can smell it!!! wooohoo! plans to go korea/nz during november with my buddy from sec sch~~ whoopeee!!

now lets see...i've had this irritating sore eyes for quite a few days now, when's it ever gonna heal. but thank God its not like full-blown...i had this last last year (around this time also methinks..cos i remember i had it straight after Perth royal show)..it was terrible...and i cldnt open my eyes at all, and then tears kept oozing out and the doctor gave me 2 weeks of MC so that i cld get extension for my assignment. so anyways...thank God im still able to stay up all night to do work now~ whoopeee...cos i dun really wanna get an extension for my thesis... loL...

on one hand, im kinda stressed cos really lagging behind schedule, but on the other..i seem to be enjoying just doing work the whole day...loL...which is a tad bit strange. strange mix of emotions. loL...anyways...3 weeks to submission!! jya ganbatte!

i am t i r e d.

random notes.

i guess i am in some sense okay, and in some sense not okay at all. but the message has been really clear these few days..

to believe and to wait in submission even if it takes a really long time, to walk in step even when we don't understand.

waiting upon God not only builds our character.. i guess more importantly waiting always cause us to have a communion with God.

Despite being a man of great faith, Abram had his doubts...despite both him and sarai creating a few mess here and there... God still demonstrated His ability to clear all that up..God still delivered His promises to Abraham.. I guess the idea was Abram continued to follow God's commands even when he doubted [if u were wondering..i was reading Gen 15].

thank you God..that You're a Man of Your Word! thank You that You are unchanging, thank You for Your love, and Your commitment in fulfilling Your promises... no matter how long it takes, help me believe and continue to obey.

...u know...if theres one thing i hate most in the world...its ppl not delivering their promises, even if its not promises, like simply just flaking things off... like 'oh yeah...i'll do it...i'll this and that......' and then they don't.......this is a sure way to irritate the hell out of me......like ughhh! i get really disappointed and pissed. anyways, i'll just stop here for now..

btw, what i write here...is meant at times as a reminder for myself, an outlet...or watever. not meant in anyway to teach, to preach...or get my point across to anyone..unless its a specific shoutout. much as im appreciative ppl care enough to read whats on this blog...who i really am is not confined to what i write in here. if that made any sense... but anyways, if ur happy stay and read. if not, you're more than welcomed not to..

..sometimes i wonder what's life. how it is...when u totally don't know what to do, you can't reach out to someone you love so much... don't know how to convey that..."im really here for u.." message across.... how painful that whatever it is, eventually it'll still be a lonely journey that we each have to take. i guess thats life. and theres a reason for all these, for everything that is happening..

but to uplift things a little, life as i would choose to believe is more than that.. it can be about skipping heartbeats.. being passionate over what you do, over-enthusiasm in *stuff*, about relating the whole experience to a better friend, to someone who will laugh together with you at the nonsensical moments in everyday... trusting and just playing the game simple, laughing..err..being someone's laughing stock =p ... I won't take offence...haha, too old to take offences.. too old to let ppl crush my insecurities and remind me of my imperfections.. so much has happened, so many new feelings and insights, so many things in and out of tis puny head of mine.

so much random stuff i've written..so many more random thoughts swimming around in my head.... but i've got no time to do some major 'housekeeping'. i guess im a person who really needs a lot of time to myself..lOL...no wonder some of u call me crazyyyy... haha. im coming back SG sooon (short or long stay dunno yet)! anywayyyy enjoy ur peace while u can. heheh. =p

..how good is it if all these add on to my thesis word count.. aha...i'll be a tad bit happier =p

and I find rest in You...

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." 1Peter 5:6–7

i just embarrased myself big time this morning when i met my co-supervisor. initially, the plan was to meet up to get her signature for some stuffs.. so then, when i met her..i decided to ask her some stats stuffs... and here goes the conversation..

me: .....so i was wondering if it was alright for me to go ahead with that analysis..
sup: ..well you could do that, but due to the sample size..blah blah....its better if u do a visual inspection to......
me: oh hmm..visual inspection.... there is a function for that in SPSS!?

it took me about 5 seconds to realise what an idiot i was........zzzzz.
my supervisor almost burst out in laughter, and i could see that she was trying to hold her laughter throughout the conversation after that.

i cld argue that i wasnt quite awake when i met her and stuff..aha. but sighs!

Thank You Lord, for the love I don't deserve..

what can I give, that is not already Yours...
who am I to choose how to live..when all I have to loose, is what You give.
Lord, take my all, my everything...
Here I stand forgiven..Lord for You, my life I'll live.

Lord to You I surrender..I surrender all...

5 weeks plus to thesis submission. i am officially stressed. what's grieving me now is the stats part. the whole analysis.......it is just too damn difficult. my head's cracking, falling apart..i dun even wanna rant on this now. this is nightmarish...the last thing on my head before i sleep is this freaking analysis part for my thesis. everything is thesis thesis thesis~

but anyway, even though it seems almost impossible to get pass this whole stats thing now (wails!)... there isn't a doubt that i'll get my thesis done. just a matter of how much hair i'll drop...haha.. grah.

so anyway, with that (plus, quite a number of people have asked)...so what's my plans after hons....... ? Answer: I honestly don't know. There are just too many factors that i hafta take into consideration. and i just don't have the time and energy to think about it now (well, maybe i just don't wanna think about it, not too sure myself).

haha. okays...i wish i had more to say... but my life's been pretty uneventful lately. i've got nothing on my mind now other than my thesis.

edit:
how many times have i used the word 'thesis' in this one short post. ugh. terrible. im sick of that word. haha. zz

friends agree!? =p

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. In love, you express your emotions through actions. Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well! At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

What's Your Personality Type?

i am now in the library...about to start a crazy night of data entry + figuring out nonlinear-regression. i hate this (because this is my 3rd data file!! and its no joke keying in all those crap man.....advance warning to all who may talk to me in the near future. if you think im not looking at you when im talking...i actually am. its just my eyes gone abit kuku. blame it on the amt of data entry i hafta do). like 1000 plus rows of data...and i have to do it twice over for this 3rd data file....this is crazy. not that i did up the previous files wrongly...its just that there are different uses for each. crazy crazy crazy...why me!?

i got stucked trying to understand the nonlinear regression thing, then i emailed my ex-tutor last night who taught me Methods 3...and he met me this afternoon, then he couldnt figure it out either, so then he called another tutor (this guy tutored me for Methods 2...and he couldnt figure it out either!).... like sighs...but then i've gotta say i've got excellent tutors/support here at Murdoch. haha...it was totally not his business at all...but he so willingly sat down with me for no less than 1hr 30min...trying to figure out how to analyse my data...and talking through some concepts with me. though he couldnt help much in the end, but still awesome. appreciate it alot. oh and he said he'll get back to me after he got some stuffs figured out. like how cool is that?

so anyway, guess who was the first to greet me while i was walking to the library. it was my hons classmate..haha..and the moment she saw me....she just couldnt stop laughing. i dunno why. haha i guess its just that common understanding that....stats is abt to drive us mental. then she had to ask me a zillion questions (okay not that much...just one is enough to kill me actually) abt her stats stuff for her study....i was really trying hard to digest what she say, and i tried my best, but still could only offer her some not-very smart suggestions and advices...haa...i promised i'll get back to her. haa..zzz. so i better. oh, and i finally got to know her name when i asked for her number. haha...like i've been talking to her for so long, but i just can't recall her name...and too embarrassed to ask after so long. loL....zzz

anyway for now.....back to spss.

li-chan~! that couple who so shamelessly+rudely invaded our comfy table+seats in the library when we were still there........is sitting right opposite me now! hahah. okay..v random. but anyways...cos it took me abt 1min to realise who they were....look familar mah.

but okay..enough crap.

edit:

oOo...okay..not bad. finally at 1.05am. im done with my data entry (i suspect theres more to come actually. once i get another email from my supervisor.......)..... 2 1/2hrs...not as bad as i thought it would be. but thats becos i've aready spent yesterday and this afternoon doing it.

oh and yes.. although this is very unorganised..ima blogging in a very non-chronological order..anyway who cares.. went for prayer meeting before coming to the library. i believe very much in the power of prayers, and how there is synergy when more ppl gather together to pray...but today was waaaaaay out of my comfort zone. somehow i've been shoved to the front to be prayed for in proxy for my mum...it was abit too much fuss for me...and im probaly the kind of person who really dislike fuss and attention, and dislike bothering ppl with my stuffs.....then i just feel weird. but then again...i guess its not abt any of that...but believing that God is hearing all those prayers, and that we in turn hear what He has to say. more imptly, Ps Benny mentioned tt prayer is abt submission..... so i guess, comfort aside... but also.. thank u all who have been keeping me and mum in prayers. although i dislike the fuss..i still appreciate your prayers!

i had a rather interesting day today. finally met up with my supervisor in uni. well, as most of u know, shes on maternity leave this whole sem. but then she had to brief me about this new stats thingy that she wants me to use for my study. so anyways, she brought her baby along...hahah, and it was really quite an amusing sight..seeing her carry her baby, and doing all the motherly stuff. i mean like...it should be normal..but then cos shes my supervisor..so thats kinda not the scenario i'd have in mind when we meet up. aha... then we had to proceed to the education&humanities building to use the program that they have and we don't (like im wondering why does the psych faculty not provide anything that we need.....dohz...) so anyways....off we go, my supervisor, the baby in the pram and I...haha.

after we reach the computer lab in EH building...she was carrying her baby and trying to guide me through the RUMM program...and cos she hasn't played with the program for quite sometime..so we had to trial and error for quite awhile. then baby started to make quite abit of noise...and we had to head back. haha... but i think we did churn out quite abit of stuff for me to do more work, before i bug her again.

really appreciated her coming all the way down to uni to sort some stuff out...but i felt bad as well~ zzz. haha... didnt help when today's weather was really nasty. poured big time as we step out of the EH building...and then we had to run back to the psych building..with baby, pram and all. quite drama mama.

so anyways....i did quite alot of readings/homework on wat this Rasch modelling thing is abt..thank God i didnt meet her with an empty head...but then, its one thing to know abt the theoretical stuff..and quite another to churn out some useful stats using the program...so yeah...i guess i'll need to head back down that lab and figure the rest out myself.

and...i'll hafta hand in my 1st draft for thesis in abt 2 weeks time.

and.....today's the start of FCC's 21 days season of prayer. im glad i went. i missed last cell and sunday service cos of this super nasty headache+backache+flu+fever+sorethroat+cough.... horrible. so anyways....im muchmuchmuch better now...left with abit of cough and sorethroat.

okay methinks, im gonna be slightly stressed this week. haha..
anyways...ops..way past sleeping time.

hope everyone's doing fine! be well and God bless. =)