(life is) a series of small moments

few days back, i went for a international student volunteer meeting with ellie. quite excited at the idea that i might have the chance to go either states or costa rica for a mth during december. comprises of 2 weeks volunteer work followed by 2 weeks of adventures. i opted for costa rica. have actually submitted the form, so now im waiting to see if they'll accept my application. its kinda cool, like we have two options to choose from, either conservation work where we can work in areas such as flora and fauna conservation, or working with humpback whales(i hope i get this~!) or giant sea turtles. imagine working at close proximity with these awesome creatures. can't wait to feast my eyes on God's wonderful creation. then there's social aspect where we can opt to work with the locals, teach english or help them devise some campaigns or education frameworks and stuffs, which would be an equally rewarding and eye opening experience too. so anyway nothing has been confirmed about this, but i really hope i can get in. (and that ellie and debbie wld be able to come along toge too~ that wld be absolutely fantastic =p) *prays*

so anyway, if i do go, it would be during december. then hmm, i forgot if i've already mentioned this (cos this has been in my head for quite sometime, kinda in a state of mixing up facts with dreams. blah. do u all get this, or isit just me?)...but yeah for friends in sg, im not going back this june/july hols. gonna stay back in perth, torture myself with the extremely cold weather...lol. no lar, there's church camp and internship program during this 1mth break, so my time's gonna be relatively filled anyway. and somehow i've kinda sorted out my thoughts...wld be back in sg forever after i graduate anyway, so why not make the best of perth while im still here. enjoy the different aspects of it.
i've always loved travelling and stuffs, but lately i've this wanting to 'leave everything behind and travel the whole world by myself' kinda thought. i think i need a breather, a retreat, a time by myself and God, i need space. in the past, when im upset(and i mean really upset and helpless) i usually retreat into my own world and shut everyone off... i think overtime, i've evolved into this strange creature. constantly in this 2 states of wanting to be around people and wanting people to leave me alone (latter more actually). its difficult to explain, or rather im just not good at expressing myself well. and i dont like explaining stuffs. which is also why its tiring for me to be around ppl. to say im a person of few words, i think many ppl wld beg to differ..haa. but it is a fact though, that i really don't like to talk much, actually most of the time, i wld prefer to take a backseat and just let things slide. rather than airing my views or trying to let ppl see my point. most of the time, i also do not have much comments/interests on what people are talking about. hmm, don't get me wrong. lol. friends reading this. i love u guys. haha. (u see, at some point i have to assure ppl or do some explanation before someone gets the wrong idea. even if i don't talk, i might just offend poeple with my face. really. like when i dont smile, my face is black. well its naturally tanned, and there's nothing i can do about my face. if i don't smile..it does not mean that im pissed. ppl always ask why that straight face, well im born like that. its not a crime to be tanned u know. and i cant be smiling 24/7 for nothing.)

so anyway, most of the time even when i want to purposefully strike a conversation, say with a friend i meet on the street or accidentally bumped into friends at the supermarket .. im really stumped for words. i dunno why really. and its quite difficult for me, cos i feel awkward. maybe those were the times i've switched on the 'no-talking' mode in me..then when i see ppl.. i just cant churn out words. its exasperating sometimes. i just dont understand myself. like this kinda situation happens with ppl i dont often see, or even with ppl i see almost everyday and are comfortable with. more than often..i think it portrays a bad image of what ppl view me as..and i guess thats why i really just enjoy being by myself most of the time. socially inept? hmm i don't know. maybe just a person of limited interest. i love helping people, doing stuffs, seeing people around me happy and stuffs..but every other thing in between..i kinda find it pointless at times. i just cant find myeslf saying, "hey thats a nice bag u have, where did u get it." or "oh u had a haircut, thats nice"..or "the other day someone did this n that..."... im always amazed at how well people can hold conversations...i love being around these ppl. haha. *waves to geraldine* (and a few others, but somehow geraldine comes to mind at this juncture. lol..) i love hearing them talk..haha. i cant do the same maybe cos i just lack the skill and enthusiasm. maybe im just task-oriented and less relational kind of person? i dont know. haha. i prefer to sit back and observe whats going on. (i think that might be why one of my ambitions used to be being a zookeeper, other than love for animals, less complexity, less talking involved. haa.)

having said that, i really love observing people. really fascinates me why some people do and say the things they do.. thats what propelled me to take up psychology in the first place i guess. haa. first person i would really hope to understand is my dad. i think i get the weird character from him. haa. no lar... ok, said too much. signing off. byebye.