your strength is made perfect in my *weakness (':

just realised ice-cream doesnt help anymore when im really upset. nonetheless, thanks for the strawberry cheesecake- and u gave up ur personal favourite *cough yucko* chunky monkey for me..aww :')

some friendships i know i'll never never lose my grip on.. especially the kind that enables me to gobble up nasi goreng ayam, prata, tandoori chicken and teh alia, on a day when i have the least appetite..and at such weird timings at 1+am. ahh..whho cares abt guilt now, and i quote "wahlaauu, u see nice food, just eat lar! simi anorexic" :)

the situation seems to not have changed, but i am already feeling better after a long and hard cry..and, after the pleasantly sudden visit, and sinful feast.. but yes, crying is defintely not a sign of weakness, its a natural human response..one that marks the beginning of healing, and growth.

guess what, despite being in such a rough patch.. there are really heaps of people, and things to give thanks to.. and sometimes we wish we didn't had these imperfections in life, yet without which, would we be appreciative of the little things that comes our way... ? would we work, and fight hard for a better tomorrow? would we cherish when that person/thing comes into our life.. ? would we have the spirit of humility in us, to learn from our mistakes and/or to strive and be a better person.. ?

...some quotes to end the day..

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. "

"The greatest weakness of all weaknesses is to fear too much to appear weak. "

"Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. "

"If we resist our passions, it is more due to their weakness than our strength. "

"Insincerity is always weakness; sincerity even in error is strength. "

"The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they're alive. "

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. "

oh, and im on one of those repeat mode tonight. somehow this song emerged top on my playlist.. ktweee ktweee timee. okay, i hafta admit, its been a rather tiring, and emotionally draining day, or rather, past few weeks... but anyway, i guess anyone can easily sense that from my rather inconsistent blogging style these days... alrights, even though the mind is resistant to the idea of sleep, the stinging eye is already protesting with double, maybe triple, vision... goodnight everyone.

free gift. unconditional love.

these words don't really go together.
what is a free gift? Aren't gifts free?

and isn't love meant to be unconditional? yes? =)

I'm tired and superbly sick of this home.. This house!! Ugh, is there a God!!?? Help me!!!

Love over-rated..

家不成家，还有什么好说的 ...

"But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want."

雨过了~ 天要转晴了~~

*hopeful~ (:

i know this is overdue, but.. from the bottom of my heart, thanks for always being around, u reached out to me at moments when i've lost the strength and voice to cry for help, for letting me be when i needed time alone, for enduring my wilfulness, for your patience and gentleness, for your forgiveness when i've hurt u deeply not just once.. for your indulgence in my wants/needs, nv once complained (i cant remember at least.. :p), for pulling me back when i've lost my centre, for ur constant reminders that someone always cares... thank u for being the person that you are, thank you my bigfatbeachbrollyy :')

cheapthrill !

I'm blogging from my phone!
I know it's been a long time since wireless@sg first started.. But hey I haven't been around, and and and... I only got my super cool phone that allows me to come online n browse (without grieve) recently :p

And since I won't hav Internet at home for at least a week(woe!!), definitely appreciate this service (and my phone!!) alot more. Heh.

Go tech ! .....iPhone rocks !!

Ok toodooloos for now.
Shall not be too consumed with techs when I'm out. These stuffs facilitate and enable efficiency.. But I need human touch!! Nothing can replace warmth of being with loved ones and friends, seeing real smiles and hearing their laughter. Not 'smileys' and 'loL' !!

the point being..?

The Paradoxical Commandments

People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends, and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today, will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world your best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.

....not to give up hope.

dying words: i bury everyday.

since getting my P535 back. today's the first time im using it.

what's your point. i don't get it. never did.

amazing. somehow..some ppl jus brings across the same points in a more poignant manner. in a way, that strikes a chord in your heart.

靖，你可以的。雨过天一定晴！suck it ALL in...and tahan.

Freud and friends.

felt like penning something down today... but due to its infrequent use, my brain has run out of stuff that is remotely blogworthy. feels as though i have nothing to say, and, and lots to say, at the same time. what can possibly explain this phenomenon..?

My strongstrongstrong Id is telling me that I should do the same thing of running, this time, not away, but back.
My idealistic Superego says I need to continue the ascent of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. That I need to reach my self-actualisation.
My dumbass malfunctioning Ego is friggin' sick and tired of being the middleguy..

I might just have to take the MMPI soon...

random musings

someday maybe I'll write a story which the chapters don't connect. The more disjointed the better.. probably sounds stupid, but that's what I feel life is like sometimes. If I cld explain it in a different manner...Every moment is like a frame, the next might be totally different, or not. Today you're here, and maybe tomorrow, there might be someone in your place. Maybe of the five people you see in one frame, there are three you'll never see again in any of the others. Then again, maybe we're friends today, tomorrow, and for a long time after. I don't know. Everything just changes so fast. Even if you have the exact people in the same place, in two frames, there are still small things that change. I'm not talking about years years, just give it two months? *shrugs* It's unpredictable, and it makes no sense. But maybe it's really like one of those huge montage/mosiacs puzzles.. Maybe you might have a picture of mickey mouse, right next to a picture of a funeral. It makes no sense to put them next to each other, and it looks downright random. But from somewhere far away, maybe it'll make sense. i dunno.

anyway, life is both fragile and resilient. in life, we cross path with many ppl.. but we can’t keep in touch with all of them— not in any sort of meaningful way, at least. But do not allow those who are important to u to slip away. and I am very thankful for the few of u in my life, who have stayed on till now..whom have laughed together, offered an outstretch arm in times of my needs, warm fuzzy hugs at totally random moments. love u all.

The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. -Victor Hugo

靖，该长大了

goodnight world. :'(

reality hits.

didn't realise i'll be faced with such situation.
didn't realise that i'll have to face sthg that i don't want to, so soon.

it just..gets better, each time ......

猜不透

五月天 - 你不是真正的快樂

Lyrics 歌詞:

作詞：五月天 作曲：五月天

人 群中 哭著
你隻想變成透明的顏色
你再也不會夢 或痛 或心動了
你已經決定了 你已經決定了

你 靜靜 忍著
緊緊把昨天在拳心握著
而回憶越是甜 就是 越傷人了
越是在 手心留下 密密麻麻 深深淺淺 的刀割

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑隻是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

這 世界 笑了
於是你合群的一起笑了
當生存是規則 不是 你的選擇
於是你 含著眼淚 飄飄蕩蕩 跌跌撞撞 的走著

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑隻是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂 你的傷從不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了 然后才后悔著

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑隻是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂 你的傷從不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了

你值得真正的快樂 你應該脫下你穿的保護色
為什麼失去了 還要被懲罰呢
能不能就讓 悲傷全部 結束在此刻 重新開始活著

quite true isnt it. haa..tsk.

sthg i got in my inbox today.

Quote for the day:

'Whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her respect and kindness, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, she will give you a ton of shit.'

trudge on warrior.

feels good getting 'stuffs' outta the chest. whatever it is...its out. whether the ending is as my heart's desire, or not. the point is, i know, i've done everything in my power. and that is good enough, for i've tried. no regrets.

Opening my heart to someone doesn't always have to be a frightening experience. I show my affections and opine it as a truth im stating, not as a risk im taking. anyway, bottomline is.. i feel good now.

after so long, i've finally had a hearty meal. my appetite's back..and im back in chillin' mode. yeah i've yet to secure a job, and it seems at this point in time, a rather bleak outlook. add on to the fact that dad jus did sthg 'clever' again...was rather affected..but que sara sara. i'll take it a step at a day.

out of control~!

pimple outbreak!! exasperated!!!

i think been too stressed + lack of sleep.

time to pig out.

decision just proved right.

lesson learnt today: never doubt myself.

depressive realism

-- is the theory that depressed people get into the state they are in because they somehow see the world with greater clarity, and thus more accurately. you don't have to be a genius to tell that this was something i held true since i was very young. through the lens of adolescent angst, it seemed so correct, so perfect. of course that's why i'm unhappy. it's because i'm smarter. haa.

so now that we're grown, and can look back on those times with a mixture of amusement and disgust, we can ask ourselves: what's a more mature formulation of that theory? well, the model is not exactly true - it doesn't predict depression. people get depressed for a whole load of reasons, but just as many dumb people get it as insightful ones. however, if you only study people who do not meet diagnostic criteria for the illness, the pattern re-emerges: the happier a person is, the more deluded he tends to be (it's not a trivial correlation either). so here's a rare case of intuition being borne out by statistics, and the cynical viewpoint actually being sort of correct. life sucks, and you get happy by believing that it doesn't - there's a big problem with this, though. thought experiment: you invent a brand of therapy where people actively learn how to be ignorant. not CBT, not monitoring cognition, or filtering thought processes, but actively pursuing ignorance. my guess: not too many people lining up at the psychologist's door.

..in other words, your way might make you feel better, but it also might be less accurate.